Going all Martha Stewart and shit

         I feel like I haven't written in forever, and it has been quite awhile. Maybe I'll catch up on all of that, but for now a bit of my current world. Apparently lately I've gone all Martha Stewart. By that I mean I have been all about cooking and some crafting.
         Last Christmas I made my sister a wreath, and I think it turned out pretty awesome.

See that, Pretty awesome right? She actually has it hung up right now so she must like it. (Or she doesn't want me to feel bad, whatever I'll take it) Anyway, when my brother saw hers he said that he wanted one, so I've started working on that. I've also been working on some scrapbooking, I am so far behind on that, but my running scrapbook is pretty up to date so that's cool. I've also got a few other pinterest projects that I am working on, hopefully soon I will get them done. Also, very soon I am going to need a new medal holder. Ashley and I decided we are going to make a holder specifically for our Dopey Challenge medals. So I gotta get on that because there isn't a lot of time left.

     As for chef Martha Stewart coming out in me, at this moment I have some bbq ribs in the slow cooker. I have never made ribs before so we shall see how that turns out. But even bigger, I am currently making my first ever batch of homemade pasta! I'm talking make the noodles from scratch by hand pasta! My dough ball is currently resting for a bit so I figured I'd get a little blogging done since my laptop was already on the dining room table. (Watched some you tube videos on the pasta making, ain't no shame in that!)
     I love to cook and after I finish my actual college degree I would love to take some real cooking classes to learn how the pros do it. I'm not very creative, I always follow a recipe because I am never sure if this ingredient and that ingredient will work together and all that good junk. Plus I'd like to learn some fancy knife work and plating techniques. I love the little fancy touches that pro chefs use. Or maybe I will just watch more you tube videos... Maybe it's a left handed thing, are there left handed chefs? 
      Parker and I discussed the Christmas tree today. He is really pushing for a real one, he thinks our fake one is too much work because you have to assemble all the parts. I say a real one is out because I can't keep a simple house plant alive, a tree doesn't stand a chance even for a month. With having two new kittens this year I'm expecting the tree to get knocked over and ornaments to get broken. The dog never took out the tree, but these kittens get into things.
     Speaking of kittens, hey, did you know that I got two kittens? I have wanted a cat for like ever, but Brian is very much allergic to them so I just never thought it would happen. Well there was a situation at his dad's house and he had to get rid of his outside cats, and their kittens. There was this one that I was  very fond of and I was sad that he was going to be going to a farm and I wouldn't see him again because he was just the cutest little fluff ball! So on the day we went over to help my father in law round up the cats, Brian told me to take that one home. Then he picked out another one because he didn't want the first little guy to be lonely getting taken away from all the other cats.

  So here we have our newest zoo members. This is a more recent picture so they aren't really that small anymore. The black and grey striped guy is little chubby. He got his name because he was this tiny ball of fur and he was so chubby when he was small it was just soooo cute. Parker has recently suggested we change his name because he really isn't chubby anymore, and he feels Dave is a better name. I'm not sure why but he thinks that he looks like Dave the minion from Despicable Me. The orange and white one is Vector. Named after the villain in Despicable Me because he wears an orange and white track suit. Vector is actually a girl, but we won't tell her that she has a boys name. Little Chubby is flat out a little shit head. He is the one that gets into things and uses his claws all the time, of course I picked the naughty one. Vector has turned into our little snuggler. As you can see in the picture, she likes to cuddle.

     On a sadder note, our zoo  lost a member a week ago. Steve, Parker's guinea pig passed away. He was old and we knew it was going to happen but it still sucked. The worst part was having to tell Parker. He was at his dad's house when it happened so at least he wasn't the one to find him, but he still was pretty upset that Steve is gone. He was Parker's first pet that was all his own not a family pet. Actually all our other pets are pretty much mine, they wouldn't be here if I hadn't convinced Brian that we just needed them. Parker did make a joke and said that at least Steve lived longer than any of his fish have. For now I think our zoo isn't going to grow anymore. 2 kittens a dog and a tortoise are plenty for awhile. On the bright side, ShelLdon has a life span of 80-100 years so she may outlive me!
    My pasta dough ball is done resting now, so stay tuned for the final outcome!!!

I did something pretty cool!

  This past Saturday I did something pretty cool. Pretty awesome actually if I do say so myself. I RAN MY FIRST HALF MARATHON!!!!  I didn't run the whole thing, but that wasn't my goal. We have been doing interval training because we are training for the Dopey Challenge in January and we just don't think that it's realistic to try to run a full marathon the day after we run a half marathon. Anywhoo, back to what I have done, enough about what I am going to do.

    We have logged the miles, we have done the training, I knew I could do it. Ashley set the goal of finishing in 3 hours. I told myself that if I could just keep up with Ashley that I would be fine. I set some goals for myself, I would not say the words "I can't" and I would not make excuses. One thing I have learned is that running is mostly mental. I know that my legs can carry me the distance, it's what they are meant to do. I have never done 13.1 miles before, but I knew that I could.

    I set my alarm and laid out my clothes and gear the night before. I was loading up on water because I know how important it is to be hydrated. When I woke up my stomach was not being kind to me. I was nervous which was to be expected. Here is where I made my first mistake, I didn't eat anything. I thought, oh it's only a couple hours it will be fine, my stomach doesn't feel great  I don't want to make it worse. When my alarm went off I got up, got dressed and sat down for a second to gather my thoughts. I thought about what I was going to do. It didn't seem like that big of a deal, we were scheduled for a 13 mile run for our training anyway which is why we decided to sign up for the half. Why not do our training and get a shiny medal for it?  After I gathered my thoughts I grabbed a bottle of water and headed out the door to pick Ashley up. I was pretty glad that the run was only 10 minutes from home.

    We had picked up our packets and bib numbers the night before so we didn't have to check in, we just had to wait for the start. It was 70 degrees, humid, and foggy when we started. I really liked the energy of this run. The event announcers were energetic and they had music playing. I could just feel an energy from the other runners. We started off strong. Ashley had our intervals planned out, we both feel a lot better when we have a plan. The first couple of miles went by pretty easily. That's honestly something I thought I would never say.


This is so very true for me. I remember not long ago when I dreaded a 5k. It was feel like it was never going to end and afterwards I was beat for hours. I wouldn't want to do anything for the rest of the day. Now, here I was 5 miles into a half marathon still feeling pretty good. Who is this person? Not long ago I never would have given a half marathon a thought. It wasn't on my radar.

The bridge in this picture was surrounded by trees and was absolutely beautiful. Shortly after this picture we had to walk for a bit because my heart started pounding in a way that I knew was not good. No worries, stupid me, I just forgot to breathe for a bit. Yeah I know, keep breathing duh! I got distracted. Of all the running picture I have, this has to be one of my favorite, we have never done a run together before. Usually Ashley is gone out of my sight within the first few minutes, and we meet up at the finish for our post race selfie. So this picture to me means progress. I'm not stupid, I know Ashley was going slower than she needed to on my account, and believe me, I appreciated it. I am overweight by a lot, it's just not logical for me to think that I can run at her pace, so I am  so thankful she cut it back for me.

   At some  in there I made mistake number 2. At the water stop I chose water. It seemed like the right choice, water is great for you, right and wrong. My stomach started to hurt. I was sweating like a lot so I decided to grab Gatorade at the next stop. Ding ding ding, turns out the Gatorade didn't hurt my stomach. Lesson learned for next time.

   Things started to get harder and harder. I was getting worn out and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with Ashley. She still looked all great and fresh and what not, and I was beat. I also had to pee. This is something I hope to never have to do again during a run. Three words, SWEATY  TOILET PAPER. I don't think I need to elaborate on that one.

    I made it to mile 8 with Ashley. It's like we have some unspoken connection because she sped up her pace a bit and I was on my own. No, I didn't feel abandoned or hurt or offended. I have come a long way in my journey and I no longer feel like I used to. I have accepted myself and the fact that I cannot do the same things that she can do. I aspire to one day be as awesome as she is, however at my size it is ridiculous to think that I can run at her pace as long as she can, and I am ok with that. I just need to do the best that I can do for me. If I can finish knowing that I pushed myself then I consider that a success. After Ashley went ahead I slowed down my pace  some to something that was more comfortable for me. I had this lightheaded feeling that I'm sure was mostly due to the fact that I had not eaten since supper the night before. My body felt surprisingly great though. My legs weren't that sore, not even close to what I expected, which means my training is paying off.

   As I got farther and farther I started to feel weaker and weaker. Two people went by me and checked to make sure I was ok, the course staff had pulled several people off due to dehydration. Even though I was feeling very weak, I did not stop. I just kept moving. Between mile 11 and 12 I was feeling like maybe I wouldn't be able to finish. I started to get little black spots in my vision and I think I was probably dehydrated. There was a lot more getting sweated out than there was going in. I knew there should be a water stop coming up so it would be ok. As I came over a small hill and saw the water stop table my heard sunk. The table was empty. I could see the water canisters sitting on the ground. If I couldn't get water or Gatorade then I really didn't know if I could finish. This could be it, 12 miles in and I may have to call it quits. I was crushed and my eyes started to well with tears. When I got to the table, I could see cups still there and I was so happy! There was only water left which I knew was going to hurt my stomach, but it didn't matter. I needed liquids. I did pause for a second and I drank 4 of the water cups. Which was probably only about 1 full cup since each one was only about 2 swallows. Then I continued on my way. Renewed in my faith that I was going to finish.

    My gps said I was farther than the course said that I was so I am not sure if it was off a bit because of the fog or if the course distance was off and the course was actually longer than 13.1 miles. Anyway, I stopped my gps at 13.1 miles because that's the time that I wanted then I kept going. I came around the final corner and I could hear the music and I knew I was going to finish. It also helped that Ashley was sending me some encouraging texts.  The announcer was  cheering me across the finish line, and also I wasn't last, and then it was over. I crossed the finish line and the girl handed me my finisher's medal and I felt proud. I didn't have the fastest time, not even close, but I finished. I never once said the words "I can't" and I didn't make excuses. I just kept pushing myself until the end. I'm not going to lie, I almost started crying. (I'm an emotional one can you tell?)

This is by far my best finish line picture ever! Usually my face is all twisted and I look like, well, like not good at all. It's bad I'm not even kidding.

And of course, our post race selfies! I honestly can't believe how "normal" I look considering  the feat that I just accomplished.

   So all in all, I did what I set out to do, I feel very proud and look forward to much more.

Blessings

 Today I went for a run. This isn't unusual for me, but today's run felt different. Parker had baseball practice so I like to use that hour and a half wisely and sneak my workout in. It was a perfect day for a run, just cool enough and a slight breeze. As I was running I got totally lost in my thoughts. I thought about how blessed and lucky I really am. I thought about what a blessing Parker is, and how lucky I am that he is able to even go to baseball practice. Even though he complains about it sometimes, hopefully one day he will understand. There are a million things that can go wrong when you have kids. Even with everything that happened with being pregnant with Parker and his delivery and after he was born, he is healthy. There are so many children out there that don't get the chance to play sports.

I thought about the fact that I can run. Some days I dread it, some days it seems so daunting to drag my butt out the door. But no matter how it starts, I am always glad that I got out and did it. Even though I am not a great runner, I run, and it is such a blessing. Again, there are so many people that can't run. I thought about this journey that I am on. The fact that I am training for a marathon, and how scary that is. But I realized how lucky I am that I can do this.

I thought about my family, this weekend we were grilling out and Brian was at the grill, and Parker was sitting in a patio chair reading a book, and I was sitting on the patio shelling fresh peas. It was just perfect. The sun was setting and we were all right there having conversations, and I realized how truly blessed I am.

Sometimes it's important to sit back and think about the real blessings we have in our lives. Some days life will beat us down, but there are always blessings.

After practice Parker asked me if we could get some ice cream. He did just finish an hour and a half of practice, but I figured I would tell him that we could have ice cream if we ran "the tower". The tower is at our local nature center and it's not the tallest one around, but the view from the top is absolutely amazing! I timed us just to see how long it took us to get to the top, 1 minute 19 seconds, I think that's pretty good after my run and his practice.

We even got to see a little of nature at its best, here is a picture of a baby bunny that stopped for a little snack right in front of us.

It's no secret that I love nature and hiking and any chance  I have to share that with Parker makes me incredibly happy. He is growing up so quickly I don't want to waste any chance to share with him the beauty in nature. Today's technology world is taking over and I don't want him to miss out.

Saturday I have a 6 mile training run on the schedule and I am both nervous and very excited about it. 6 miles will be my longest run ever, wish me luck!

That time I did crack

Ok, so I never did crack, but anyone that knows me knows that I had a major Mt. Dew addiction. Like hardcore, no joke. I have been running in 5k's for a year and a half now, and  since I have expanded my goals and  am currently training to run a marathon, I knew it was time to give up my "crack" for good. I am happy to say, it had been two weeks and three days Mt. Dew free for me. This is pretty big for me, usually by now I am walking around like a crack addict going through withdrawals. But this time I am doing pretty well. I do wake up with a headache every morning, but I am hopeful that will go away soon. If not, at least I am the only one up in the morning so no one sees me all crazy and what not.

I did have one incident where I did sniff an empty Mt. Dew bottle that Brian had. I was rinsing out the recyclables and there was the empty bottle and I totally sniffed it just to smell the soda. Then I laughed at myself because it was totally ridiculous. I didn't try to squeeze a few drops out so I am pretty proud of that.

Since I have stopped drinking the Mt. Dew I have noticed an improvement in my running. I used to get a side pain something fierce after about 5 minutes. Now I am getting to about 2 miles before I get a side pain and even then it's not nearly as bad. I can still run through it.  I think that finally getting to first shift has also been great for kicking my crack habit. I get enough sleep now which eliminates a lot of the dependency I had on soda just to stay awake.

I think this may be the last time that I have to try to kick my addiction. I've tried many times before and have always failed, but I think this time will be different.

On another note, this weekend I ran in another 5k This was a local run and it was rather small. I ran with Ashley, we both set goals for finishing and happy to say, we both finished in our goal time! Ashley killed her goal! I made my goal, but didn't crush it. But, I'm ok with that. I am improving all the time and that's the important thing. Ashley and I have both decided that we prefer doing runs that are a bit bigger. I feel like I stand out too much in the small runs. Despite all the flashy colors that I wear, I don't like people to look at me when I run.

Here we are, are you sick of our post race pics yet? Hope not because we aren't nearly finished yet. We already have plans to do a 5k on the 4th of July, and we are registered for a mud run in August, so more pics are coming!

How do I know?

   How do I know I am a runner? Let me tell you, I know that I am a runner because I recently realized that I have earbuds stashed all over the place. Like seriously, I have a pair in my truck, a pair in my purse, a pair in my running bag, a pair in the little holder on my treadmill, a pair in my nightstand, and a little container with some more in. I always like to have them handy because I don't buy very expensive ones so they tend to break sometimes.

Reason number two that I know I am a runner, I have little piles of pins in various places. The pins come off my race bibs and I always say that I am going to bring my own pins along to my races since I have so many of them. But I never do. If I run enough races I will eventually have enough to donate back to a run and supply a good number or people with race bib pins.

Reason number three, I made a holder to hang the medals on that I have earned for running and I hung that holder in my dining room. Why should I be the only one that sees them? I've worked hard for them. I don't display a lot of things, my diploma is in a box somewhere, but those medals, they needed to be put where everyone could see them.

There it is, isn't it pretty? This is an out of date picture, I've added a medal to the collection since then.

Reason number 4, every time I know I am going out running I get a feeling of calm. Running is my time for just me. It's my chance to relax and let all the stress go.

Reason number 5 that I know I am a runner, I have signed up to do this ridiculous run (The Dopey Challenge) that my bestie and I officially started training for yesterday, and man am I excited! Only a runner would say they are excited about training to run 48.6 miles!

I'm not saying that I'm a fast runner, or even that I'm great at it, but I really have fallen in love with it and I see this relationship lasting a long time.

Salute our troops

Memorial Day meant a three day weekend for me, so of course Ashley and I decided to sign up for a 5k. She was very excited to get back to running after having the baby and found us this 5k to do on Sunday morning. So while most people were still sound asleep at 5:30 in the am, we got up and drove to Fond Du Lac to get our run on. We had a goal of finishing in under 45 minutes, and let me tell you, there was no way Ashley was letting any of us slack on that. It was me, her, her son Ayden who I am a big fan of, and her tiny man Xander in the jogging stroller. Ayden ended up ditching us the last portion and finished ahead, that boy did not whine once at all, he is a great kid! And Xander, apparently he finds running as relaxing as his mom and I do because he fell asleep for the whole thing. We all finished in under 45 minutes which makes this a personal record for me with a 5k. Yeah, I know, I'm slow. Oh well, I'm working on it and I'm always doing better than those that don't try at all or those that don't leave the couch.

With each run that we complete, I am always thinking about the next one. In fact, on the way home from the Salute our Troops 5k Ashley mentioned that she was going to start looking for  a run to do in June since we had nothing on the books yet. So this coming weekend we are again signed up for a 5k that's pretty local to us and I am pretty excited. My first ever running event was in Kiel I did a 2miler so it's pretty exciting to go back to where I started and do a 5k.

 Here is us post race

No, this is not meant to be a butt shot, I bought us awesome wonder woman socks and if you look you can see that they even have capes attached on them that flap when you run....ZOOM

WHAT HAVE I DONE????

I'm sitting in my bed watching Scrubs on Netflix and eating my supper thinking about the events of my day. I went to work where I worked hard (like worked up a sweat and smelled a bit funky) and then I came home. It wasn't raining so Ashley and I headed out for a run/walk. As it turns out, I should eat a bit more throughout the day if I plan on running right after work. We ended up doing just short of 3 miles in 50 minutes so I still feel like I got a decent workout. We also got to have a good chat while we moved.

Anyway, during our chat we were talking about the Dopey Challenge that we are registered for. Recently I realized that we are just 6 months out from this event. 231 days out to be exact. (Not that I have been watching the countdown clock or anything) It seems so far away, but then I realized that it's just 6 months. 6 months fly by like nothing!!! We have a training plan in place so as long as I stick to it I am confident that we shall do fine.  But it is seriously hitting me that we are going to do this. We are going to get on a plane, and fly to Florida where we shall run a 5k the first day, a 10k the next day, a half marathon the day after that, and a full marathon on the 4th day.

Yes, I said a FULL MARATHON!!!! That's 26.2 freaking miles!!! That's like me deciding to run to work instead of driving to work. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN US INTO????? Yes, it is all my fault. I saw this picture on my facebook newsfeed of a guy who had just done this challenge and he was wearing the medals that he had earned, and I pretty much instantly knew that I must do this. I sent the picture to Ashley, and since she is just as nuts as I am she text back within a few minutes that she was totally in. From that moment we knew that we must do this. So we anxiously waited until registration opened and 17 minutes after registration opened, we were registered for the Dopey Challenge!!!

I'm glad that we registered right away because within a few hours the challenge sold out....but now I sit here and realize how close and how fast this thing is going to sneak up on us, and I am freaking out. I must just keep telling myself to stick to the plan and it will be fine. Ask me again how fine it is after Ashley and I are done running 26.2 miles....26.2 miles after doing 13.1 miles the day before...again, WHAT HAVE I DONE???

Lately...

Lately I've been very buy. The weather is getting nicer and nicer and I love it! I've been getting outside and getting more active. It's a lot easier for me when it's nice outside. Have a quick photo dump of my adventures....

My good friend Nara asked me to do a 5k with her. It was her first one, (I think she is totally hooked now). Even though it was cold and rainy we still had a great time and it was nice to catch up with her again.

 Parker helped me pick out these Yoda earbuds, the force was with me. There is a tiny green man in my ears!!

This is us after we finished.. YAY MEDALS!!! They don't just hand those things out, you have to earn them.

Parker is a very busy little man right now. This is from his first baseball game. He hit a ball and was so excited about it! I'm so proud of him for getting active and involved. It's a lot of time for me with practices and games and everything, but it's so worth it.

Here's a pic from Parker's soccer game last weekend. He is number 14 in the green shirt.

We went to Fleet Farm last Saturday and on our way home we had an encounter with this guy. We passed him and I was so worried that he was going to get run over so Brian turned around so I could get him off the road. (Maybe I have a soft spot because I have a tortoise, but whatever the reason, I did not want this guy to get run over.) When I nudged him to see if he was alive I was shocked because he whipped around and tried to bite me! Whoa buddy, I am trying to help you!!! I was going to try and pick him up from the back but then I noticed that he also had long claws that looked like they would easily gash me. So Brian got out of the truck and  we were looking for  a stick that we could use to make him move. We couldn't find a strong enough stick, but Brian grabbed my snow scraper (Guess it's a good thing I still had it in there after this never ending winter). He was trying to just prod him a bit and make him walk towards the side, but  thing just kept trying to attack him! Meanwhile, people are driving past occasionally and I can only imagine what they were thinking. The turtle just kept spinning in circles so eventually Brian had to kind of roll him to the side of the road. In the end he got him moved off the road, and I am hoping he went down the ditch and into the pond and not back onto the road. I don't know how fast snapping turtles grow, but I would guess this guy was pretty old.

Parker and I got our bikes out on Sunday. We walked them to the track nearby our house so Parker would be more comfortable riding and I could go on my own and still see him as I was going around. Then we rode our bikes back home. All in all we went about 5miles. I am pretty proud of him and his little legs. 5 miles of walking and biking is a lot for those little legs and a one speed bike.

Monday I started 1st shift!!! I am really happy to be on a "normal" schedule. Something I haven't had in 5 years. I get to sleep at night. Although I am having trouble with this, I am so used to not sleeping more than a few hours at a time, so when I am trying to sleep I wake up a lot. I am getting up at 5:30 a.m. which is an adventure because I have never been a morning person. They are kicking my ASS on first shift!! Like no joke! I have lost 3 pounds this week and I am fairly certain that it is all sweat. I have lifted hundred, seriously hundreds, of 40 pound blocks this week among all the other things that I have lifted. My muscles are all sore and jello like. I have had no problem falling asleep (the first time). But, I feel good. I am working hard and time goes fast because there is no time to look at the clock. It's also really nice to walk out  of work and go about my night knowing that I can do the things I need to do and still get a good night of sleep.

I must be enjoying first shift because I volunteered to work tomorrow. (Saturday) Although it's not a production day, we are just checking product and opening product. Another plus to first, I can work a Saturday and still have a decent weekend. Since Brian has to work Saturday morning and Parker is with his Dad, I figured I would work.

I'm looking forward to more good weather this weekend and enjoying Mother's Day...

My first bike ride & my thoughts on selfies

              Yesterday I took my first bike ride. Well, not my first ever, but my first actual ride on my new road bike. I had taken it on a test ride where I discovered my brakes did not work, but that didn't count as a ride. I had originally set out with a goal of riding 10 miles. Three weeks of this stupid cough and I am still feeling like crap, so I should have known this was very ambitious.
              Riding a road bike is a lot different than riding a mountain bike. It is taking some getting used to. There is something thrilling and terrifying at the same time when you are zipping down a hill on this skinny skinny tire leaning way forward to the point that you feel you may just tumble off the front of your bike. At about 3 miles I started coughing really badly and I couldn't take a deep breath so I decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to push myself to 5 miles before I turned around. So I turned around at 3 miles and headed home. After my ride I was trying to think of a route that would be fairly flat, but as it turns out my town is super hilly everywhere! You don't notice this so much when you are driving up them, it's that whole using your own power to get up them that makes you realize that even small hills are a big deal. One of my main goals was to ride all the hills. It would be so easy to just get off the bike and walk up them, but that's not the point of my training. I am proud to say that I biked them all! Not super fast, but I did it and that makes me pretty proud of myself.
            It was only my first training ride so I wasn't expecting miracles, but I have realized I have a long way to go yet. Based on my average pace yesterday my century would take me at least 11 hours. I think I am shooting for a goal of about 6 hours for my century time, but I'm not totally stuck on time, I want to finish. I have a friend that keeps up a pace of at least 16mph, someday I will be as awesome as she is hopefully!
             I learned a few things on my ride yesterday:
1. Biking is relaxing even when you are terrified of crashing, hey that's what helmets are for.
2. I need to make a playlist for my rides, mushy love songs do not do much to push you on a ride.
3. Ow! I have not invested in a new saddle yet, but I will be ordering one tonight. Standard seats are not made for lady parts.
4. My helmet gives me a headache. As someone prone to migraines caused by like everything, this doesn't surprise me so I am hoping that I will get used to it. Until then I will just stay prepared. As my Dr. says, there is no point in suffering through it when you can stop it. I'm not all about taking medications and don't do it if I can avoid it, but I have learned that trying to suffer through a migraine just makes me dumb. Plus my medication is non addictive so that makes me feel better.
5. I realized that I have never in my life owned a bike helmet before. Kind of says something about my mother....nuff said about that.
6. 100 miles is a long distance. Like no joke, a long distance...but I have come up with a training plan that will prepare me so I don't feel overwhelmed.
7. I'm fat. I already knew this, but riding a road bike all leaned over confirmed it. My knees were all up in my gut and it made me laugh. But, I'm working on that so maybe someday I can ride without gut punching myself.

       Overall my ride was pretty good. Today I feel pretty good. My legs feel great! I thought they would be all like sore and junk, but they feel great! Other parts, not so great but I will survive. My arms feel like they got a pretty good workout too, I am glad that I have been doing strength training with them. I have read that cyclists often forget about them, but that's a big mistake. Who wants tired weak arms on a 100 mile ride?

Here it is, my post ride selfie....along with my thoughts on selfies. Selfies have become the new "thing". In general, the term annoys me. I mean really, basically every photo is a selfie simply because thanks to technology we no longer need someone else to take a picture for us. I think this is a good thing because you don't have to worry about someone running off with your camera or phone. Selfies are now the biggest spreader of head lice, and that gives me the creeps... While it does annoy me when people feel it necessary to take a photo of themselves in every single outfit they wear, I don't think I have a problem with selfies. A lot of mine are of me after I have done something I am proud of, yay good selfie! Or of things I do with my bestie, yay good selfie! Or me and my son, Yay super good selfie! So I say go for it! If you feel super cute in your outfit, selfie, if you have done something awesome, selfie, I guess if people have an issue then just keep scrolling. My bestie is almost 38 weeks pregnant and I look forward to her selfies!
   My first of many training rides is in the books, I've told you some of my thoughts on selfies, there you have it.

Until next time,
Love ya!

The Beard

  Every winter my husband grows a beard. It doesn't really bug me because he keeps it pretty well under control. It doesn't really get all that long and if it does he will usually trim it. Also, he usually shaves it at the end of January for my work winter party. He doesn't make me shovel snow like ever, so I don't complain. If that's the tradeoff, then I guess it's not so bad. But this winter...this winter has been different. This winter I have some issues with that beard.
    First of all, he started growing his beard the day we got married. It's like we are Amish, he literally hasn't shaved since the day we got married. I guess considering that was October, it's no that awful. Except we are going on like 6 months of that beard!!! It was so freaking cold out this winter (like no joke, 50 below temps with the wind chill. And for many days, not just a day or two), that he didn't even shave for the winter party this year. Here we are, officially into spring, and he still has not shaved. So I didn't get my mid winter clean shave, and he still hasn't shaved the thing off. We had a discussion about it recently it went like this:

me: when are you going to shave your beard off?
Brian: It's still cold out.
me:  But it's spring now, it's been like 6 months.
Brian: It snowed out today, that gives me another week.
me: The snow didn't even stick, you can shave.
Brian: You aren't mad at the beard you are mad at the weather.
me: Of course I'm mad at the weather, shave your beard.

I lost, the beard is still there because it's still cold out and supposed to be below freezing again this weekend. So I am trying to decide how to wage war against the beard, but I doubt that I will win. The beard has the force of Brian behind it and he is bigger than me.

I did get a good laugh today though. Went to the carwash. Took the dog along....good times...good times. Also yesterday, there was a patch of sunshine in the afternoon so I decided to get out my new road bike for a test run. For some reason I decided to start out going downhill...and about 5 seconds later I discovered that my brakes didn't work. Luckily I don't live in a busy neighborhood though so I survived. I made it back home and Brian made some adjustments so that my brakes work and it's all good now.

That's pretty much all I've got for now. Looking forward to some sunshine so that I can be rid of the beard. But looking at the weather, he is right, it will be at least another week.

Weekend Bust

   So this weekend was a total bust. Or at least most of it was. Saturday after work I took a nap for a bit. When I got up we were going to get our four wheelers out for awhile. I haven't had mine out since fall. I think Brian might have for a bit, I mean the electric start didn't break all by itself. Anyway,  I have been sick with this horrible cough so I was excited to get outside and four wheeling doesn't require physical effort so I should have been fine. Well, we got them out and 10 seconds later Brian got his stuck.

See, buried. Apparently there is a little bit of water under that snow. Anyway, he got out his plow truck and pulled it out and that was the end of the four wheeling. I got to go out of the barn and around the corner. So, I went home, Brian stayed there and did some stuff for awhile. I took a shower to warm up. I have to admit, I think I got enough fresh air in that time. My lungs started to burn and I started to cough again. After my shower I cozied up to watch the new episode of Hell's Kitchen... Love all of Gordon Ramsay's shows!!!  Brian came home to change his shoes because they were wet(gee wonder how that happened) but never ended up going back to do stuff. He watched the show with me then we decided to go on a dinner date.

   He wanted some Chinese food so we decided to go somewhere we haven't been. I was like oh let's go to Fond Du Lac and eat there then go to Festival to get some meat for the grill tomorrow. I am never allowed to pick the restaurant again!!!  (Probably not true) This place was horrible!! We went to the buffet in the forest mall. If you ever think about going there, DON'T! Stay away, far away! Their buffet which claims to have over 100 items on it had about 10 items on it. Not even kidding. And what they did have out you could tell had been sitting there for a very long time! Not even joking, we were in and out of there in 10 minutes and they still charged us full price. How do you get off charging full price when you only have a small portion of your buffet filled? So we left, and we went to Festival. Brian likes the Festy burgers, and we were planning on grilling out Sunday.

   That was another huge disappointment. The festival there was awful! They only had one type of festy burgers, the blue cheese ones, not what we wanted. They didn't even have plain burgers! All of their pasta salads were really dried out and gross looking. Oh and the cheese, I work in a cheese factory, I pay attention to cheese, this was nasty! It was so dried out that the edges of the round slice were curling upwards and they were white and cracking. I really wish I had taken a picture it was that bad. So, we left the festival without buying anything. So, Saturday recap, four wheeling didn't happen, dinner date stunk, got no meat to fry on the grill....total fail. We went home and watched some Netflix and went to sleep.

I woke up at 5:30am coughing up something. I'm not sure I have a lung left to cough up anymore. Apparently I hadn't taken any of the Dr. prescribed meds before bed. Kind of did that on purpose, was trying to save my plans I had for Sunday morning. Well, at 5:30 I knew I had no choice, I took some medication which I knew would knock me out, turned off the alarm I had set for 7:30am and resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to make my run that day.

If you have read my blog at all, you know I have pretty much been obsessing over this damn St. Patty's Day run. It was an epic mental failure last year and I was looking forward to changing that this year. I thought even with my cough I would get out there and somehow still pull it off. I was convinced I had to do it even if I had to walk the whole damn thing. Then I started coughing at 5:30am. Then I knew that I didn't have a choice. To even try walking a 5k in the low teen temps with that cough would have been worse than last year.

So I didn't do my run. And now I feel like a failure all over again. That stupid run had gotten the best of me twice now!!!! I know there is a point where I have to put my health first though and skipping that one run so that I can get over this thing faster was the smart choice. I know this I really do, but it still sucks and now it is going to eat at me for a whole year. AGAIN!  Oh well, moving on.

I slept until 10:30am Sunday then I had a very productive day. I got a lot of things done around the house, and made a pasta salad from scratch for with our dinner, and did some veggie prep for the next couple of days. I picked Parker up from his dad's, got some burgers from the store, piggly wiggly didn't let me down, went to the parent's soccer meeting, and had dinner.

Most awesome part of the weekend,  I roasted some asparagus, and Brian ate it! Like 5 stalks of it! I made something green and he ate it!!!! Parker didn't, but he has tried asparagus a few times and he just doesn't like it, I'm ok with that. But Brian ate it!!

Overall, Saturday and Sunday morning stunk, but in the end, it could be worse. I have much to be thankful for and next weekend is a chance for new adventures.

Goal setting

     Awhile back I wrote a post about my goals for this year. I've got some big things planned this year, but I have awhile before any of them get here. I know myself, and this is not a good thing. I need small goals, small things to work towards all the time or I won't make it. I've been doing ok training for things lately, and I do actually have something coming up. This weekend is the dreaded redo of last year's St. Patty's Day run. I am both looking forward to and completely dreading this run. I know how much of a run is mental, and I am totally worried that my brain is going to get to me and wreck this run again. But that's the reason that I am doing this specific run. Last year this run got me. It got me big time. But I need to beat it. I will run it and even if I don't do fantastic, I will do better than last year. But after this run I don't have any particular thing planned for awhile. I am doing a run in April, but I don't have a specific goal for this one. It's one a friend of mine invited me to do with her so I am just going to do it and see how it turns out.

      Anyway, I needed to set a small goal for myself, something to work towards in the mean time. I recently put myself on a shoe shopping ban. Except for the cycling shoes I am going to buy, but these are for a specific purpose.(This sucks big time!) So of course just a few short days after I put myself on a shoe ban, I go to walmart and see these guys.

I mean, totally awesome! Go walmart you have done well with this one. But of course there was the stupid shoe ban that I have placed on myself!!! So I contemplated it for a day, then consulted my bestie, and she agreed that I must have them. So I decided that if I use them for an incentive then I could justify them. So today these babies are in my possession, however, I am not allowed to wear them until I am 10 pounds lighter. So I am going to weigh myself today, and when you see me wearing these awesome shoes, you will know that I am down 10 pounds from today. Need to bust some booty, cuz I wanna wear these. And I'm pretty sure that Ashley is going to get herself a pair so we can be shoe buddies!!! Yes, we are grown adults and we still love to buy the same things and wear them at the same time totally on purpose. We are awesome and we know it.

     So here is my new goal, lose 10 pounds so I can wear my new shoes. That should get me through a bit until my next goal. I am thinking it's going to be in May, but nothing set in stone yet.

R.I.P. my pal

       The weather today is totally gorgeous! I took Molly out for a walk. She got a little wild when Brian put her harness on, it's been forever! The weather was fantastic, which has caused a lot of puddles. Molly does not like puddles...at all... she does her very best to go around them. We didn't go super far, the route we took is just over 1 mile, but it was so nice to get fresh air into the lungs. After our walk we picked Parker up from school then took him to get a hair cut. I wish my hair grew as fast as his....anywhoo.... While at the salon I got hit with reality smack in the face. Like Bam, here I am! Brian texted me to tell me that his brother's dog had died. Zeus is Molly's dad and honestly probably the only reason that we have Molly. Brian didn't want a dog and I did like really bad. I've never had a dog and after I bought my house it seemed like I should have one. So Brian's brother had his dog studded out and when the puppies were born I absolutely fell in love with Molly. Brian had a soft spot for her since she was Zeus' pup, and he bought her for me. Zeus was a fantastic, well behaved, super friendly dog. If he liked you, you would know it. If he wanted attention, he would get it. He seemed to think that 90 pounds was still lap dog weight. He will be greatly missed by our household.  Last night we took Molly to visit Zeus since it had been awhile thanks to the long, super cold winter. As always she was super excited to see him. We went out to eat then headed home to get Parker in bed for school. And today Zeus is gone. He just turned 11 recently so I suppose he had lived a good life. But it made me realize that Molly is already almost 4. She is such a great dog and has the perfect personality for our family. It just makes me very sad that her life is 1/3 over. I know I can't dwell on that, but this whole pet thing kind of stinks. I've been dealing with that almost every day actually. At the end of this month we will have had Parker's guinea pig, Steve, for 4 years and he was fully grown when we got him. Research tells me the average guinea pig lives about 4 years. So every night I go in to feed Steve hoping he comes out of his hut to greet me so I don't have to shake his hut.  I'm glad that ShelLdon has an expected lifespan of 80 years.

              The lesson I have learned today is, enjoy the sunshine, enjoy your pets. They are so loyal to us. As I type this, Molly is  laying all curled up next to me. Pets are good for the soul. We got lucky that Molly fits perfectly into our family, she is just like us. I'm not sure I will get another dog after her. I feel bad for her next time we go visit Brian's brother and Zeus isn't there. R.I.P. big buddy, you will be missed.

Birthday Parties

     So my baby is turning 7 next Monday, don't get me started on that. I could go on a long time about how that makes me feel. Part of being a mom is birthday parties. I have now thrown 7 of them. Here is how the pattern goes: About two months before the party I start planning. What kind of theme do we want this year? Then I start thinking about decorations and food. About a month before said party I go shopping. Turns out my son is never obsessed with things when they are the "it" thing. When he was obsessed with Thomas and we had a Thomas party, I couldn't find anything. Turns out Thomas is big now, I could have thrown a pretty rocking Thomas party.

      This year's obsession is Star Wars. I don't like star wars, I hate the theme song, get my drift? But I love my boy so star wars it is. The only thing he asked for with his party was a star wars piñata. Turns out star wars isn't in right now and you can't find a piñata. So I went to my pal pinterest and I found out how to make one. And I made one.....THEN I BLEW IT UP!!! Yup, when I went to pop the inside I stabbed it and the whole damn thing blew apart......so I said it's ok I know what went wrong I can make a new one. But Parker said no, let's just buy a different one that walmart has, you will just blow up another one. On the bright side, I have learned that the death star is on the bad side, so  I guess I helped the good guys win...right? We ended up using the piñata I bought for his party two years ago that showed up 3 days after his party....Luigi totally fits into a star wars party it's all good.

      This was the first year that Parker had friends from school at his party. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Kids are not kids, there are categories. There are your kids, your siblings kids, and other people's kids. One of Parker's friends told me I was mean because I used my "serious" voice to tell the dog to go upstairs.
                                                     

This is my dog right this second, seriously took this picture less than a minute ago. Yep, looks like I am real mean to her, she clearly runs the show around here and she know it.

 

My siblings kids I can be real with, they do something they shouldn't I treat them just like I would my own kid. My siblings are the same way with my kid. But, when it's someone else's kid, you don't know the rules they have. You don't know how things are in their home, etc etc....So it was interesting. But it was ok and they were good. There was a lot of arm farts going on at the table which I typically wouldn't allow, but they were at least sitting at the table to eat so I let it slide.

 

The last couple of years I have been making Parker's cakes. I'm not sure why, it's just something I decided to do.  Perhaps it was the incident where my niece's cake came from walmart and there was a cloud that looked pretty much exactly like an inappropriate male body part...I'm sure it was an accident, but I don't know.... anywhoo, I really like making cakes. I do not claim to be a professional and I'm not all that artsy, but I still have fun doing it and will probably keep doing it.

 

So let's talk about this years cake...I made a three tier cake, but when I filled the pan for the bottom layer I forgot to spray it...and it didn't come out of the pan nicely at all. So the day of the party I had to remake the bottom layer. Then about three hours before the party I realized I had never gotten the frosting for the cake. I've tried making my own frosting and I've tried froting from a can, but nothing compares to the bettercreme whipped frosting that the real folks use. So, I had to drive to the next town over and buy the frosting. The people at  piggly wiggly are awesome enough to sell theirs in deli containers. Don't ask the walmart people to do that, they are not that nice. And they tried to sell me the star ship enterprise as a star wars fighter ship...some of the people that work there are SPECIAL!. Not all of them, don't get me wrong, there are some nice people there and I'm not hating on all of walmart. There are people that drive me nuts at a lot of places. I had a vision in my head of the cake, but the night before the party I decided we needed to get out of the house so instead of cleaning and making this masterpiece cake, we went out to eat and went skating with my family. It was worth it. The cake still tasted good and the kids didn't care if it wasn't a masterpiece. They are boys, they don't care.

 

Brian helped me with food, and when my sister arrived I put her to work too. I always do, even when we have card night or something, I always put her to work in the kitchen in some way. I love cooking but I'm not all that fast at prep. I blame it on being left handed. Brian says next year we are going to chuck e cheese or something and letting someone else do all the work. By the way, we did chuck e cheese once I think for Parker's 3rd birthday, he yelled at Chuck E when he was singing happy birthday to him.

 

 These are wookie cookies, my attempt to look like Chewbacca....not even close Parker tells me I should have done my research.

 Here is what the cake ended up looking like.

My attempt at a little dark side humor, who wouldn't go to the dark side for cake? Heck yeah, I'm there.

 

In the end, I blew up the death star, I wrecked part of the cake, there weren't many decorations because party city was lame and star wars isn't "in", but after everyone left and Parker and I settled in to watch a movie, he told me it was his best birthday yet. Lesson learned, I shouldn't put so much stress on throwing a perfect party. Kids just want to know they are special to you and that they are loved. It wasn't at all the vision I had when I started planning, but I would call it a success.

Hurricane in my head

         Things have been busy lately, but I feel too much like a zombie to even notice it sometimes. I am just trying to keep up and not trampled. I'm not sure what would trample me because it seems like I am the one at the center of all this craziness. Yesterday I finished another class, a few credits closer to that fancy piece of paper with my name on it! I enjoyed the class its self, however it has been exhausting. The class was accelerated, 4 hours in one night for 6 weeks. So on Tuesdays I don't sleep. I get home from work, nap for about two hours then get up to have lunch with Brian. He leaves for work shortly before 2pm. Between 2 and 4:30 I get everything done that I need to for the day and try to sneak in a quick workout if I can. Then it's time to shower and get ready for class. From 5:30 to 9:30pm I have class. When that ends I drop my stuff off at home, change clothes, and head right to work....on two hours of sleep...then work all night....on two hours of sleep. Hence the reason I feel like a zombie most days. But this week was a little different, class got out early so I actually had time to eat some real food and take an hour nap before work. So I got 3 hours of sleep! That's pretty exciting for me. I'd love to say that I get to take a break now, but that's not the case. Next Tuesday my next class starts. The nice part about this is that it allows me to take full time credits instead of only half time credits for the semester. Make the sacrifice now to get the pay off in the end. Read: Fancy piece of paper with my name on it FASTER!  Lesson here, stay in school!!! It sounds cliché I know, but it's true. Had I not quit school then quit again, then took about 7 years off, I would have been done by now. Lesson learned, can't change the past, moving on and getting it done. Guess that's just what was in store for me though, if it hadn't gone down like that then I wouldn't have Parker and I wouldn't change that for anything.

     Speaking of Parker, his 7th birthday is coming up real fast. I go through this every year now, I get all sad that he is getting older and I wish I could just keep him the way he is now. He is such an incredible kid and I'm so proud of the person he is becoming. He is a purple belt in Tae Kwon Do, he reads well above his grade level, he excels in math and other scholastic areas, and he has this love of exploring and curiosity that I love! He is always up for a new adventure. His personality is so much like mine, he may not look like me but he sure does act like me. (Look out people this could be interesting)
   
       So in the midst of school work and work work I have been working on his birthday party plans. For some reason, he is always totally into things that aren't popular right now. His new obsession is Star Wars. (FYI I have never seen any of the Star Wars except one and literally all I remember about it is Jar Jar has long ears. Can't even tell you what it was about it was like 15 years ago) So this has been totally interesting for me. He wanted a Star Wars piñata.... like I said, into things that aren't popular....try to find a Star Wars piñata in a store, not going to happen. So, I've spent the last few days making one. (thank you pinterest!!!)

     Totally looks just like the death star right? ( Don't have any idea what the death star actually is, but that's what he said he wanted and pinterest seems to know what it looks like so I can totally pull this off)

       We went to Walmart to buy cake toppers. I make his cakes myself, but I want some toppers for it, anyway that was FUN! and by fun I mean they hire the most special people that make me want to start shouting obscenities. We spent half an hour trying to acquire said cake toppers. We managed to get two characters, then the lady tried to give us the starship enterprise and tell us that it was a star wars fighter plane. Ok, I don't know star wars, but I do know that the star ship enterprise is STAR TREK. Apparently so does Parker. I didn't even have to say anything, he let her have it. He told her there was no way he was putting a star trek ship on his cake and they weren't even close to the same thing and he does not like star trek. He was polite about it until the lady told him he was wrong and the ship was from star wars. Then he let her have it. I stood back and giggled a little bit but I let him handle it as long as he wasn't being rude. It was funny to watch her argue with him. Lady, this boy knows his star wars. She ended up looking more and found the pieces we had asked for, apparently what we got was an x wing fighter and that death star thing again. neither of  which look anything  like the enterprise by the way.

        So we have school, work, a birthday party, and somewhere in there I make a point of spending quality time with Parker. It may not be anything amazing, we will play a game or read a book together, something just me and him and no technology interruptions everyday. I don't ever want him to feel anything less than number one in my life. After all, it's all about him anyway. Sure I want to finish school to better myself, but most importantly I want to set the example for him and show him that it is important to go to college. I can't tell him how important it is if I stayed a quitter.

     I've also tried to make time for myself. I've learned that investing the time into working out is well worth it. Not only does it give me more energy to make it through my day, but it improves my mood and battles the winter blues, and the investment in my health is worth it. And I have to be awake anyway. Also, if Parker sees me working out it makes him want to be active too so it's a total win win here.
 
   Most of my thoughts are jumbled and swirling all over the place lately like a hurricane,  I just go one day at a time. I'm big on lists. They keep me sane. List of things to do, to buy, what needs to be done on a specific day, what needs to be done at some point, things that I will get to eventually, things I plan on getting Brian to do, lists for everything...

     As a reward for surviving my first accelerated class, I bought myself a new Jillian Michaels work out dvd. (Totally love me some Jillian, huge girl crush...got to see her in person with my bestie, AWESOMESAUCE!!!!) Anywhoo, wipe the drool off my chin and continue.....I bought her new yoga inferno dvd and I plan on trying that out in just a few minutes here so I will let you know how much I love it soon!

So simple

So, sitting here tonight thinking about all of the things I need to do and need to get done, I felt overwhelmed. It was a tough weekend. It was one of those weekends where I realized how big I am. You see, I don't look in the mirror much and when I do it's only my head. All of the mirrors in my house were put up by my brother when he owned the house and he is much taller than I am, so they all just show my head and that's ok with me. I think that's how I have let myself get so out of control. I don't see it. I know that I am fat, however, in my head I still see that 128 pound girl that I used to be.  But this weekend was one of those times that it just hit me. Usually it's right before we have somewhere to go that I am getting dressed up for that it hits me, but not this weekend. This weekend it was because I was having people over and I wanted to get some things done, but I was so tired I just sat on the couch watching cartoons with Parker for an hour.

I got the things done that I wanted to, but there is always about 100 things on my to do list. I am always tired, I guess that makes sense since I only get about 4-5 hours of sleep a day and that is broken up into 2 hour increments. So, what am I doing with the rest of my time? If I have to be awake anyway, why am I wasting so much time? I also know that working out makes me feel good. Well, that's not true, it makes me feel like crap. I'm fat, when  I make my body do these things it hates me and it lets me know it. But then I feel great, and awake, and energized.

I get very sidetracked on the weekends. I can't workout if Brian is home. It's just one of those things I haven't gotten over yet. We have been together long enough you would think it wouldn't bother me for him to see me in workout clothes working out, but for some reason it does. Also on the weekends we eat more meals together. So, I eat worse, I don't work out, this is a vicious cycle that undoes all the work I do all week long. I gotta find a way to change this. I need to get over the fact that I can't workout if Brian is home. There has to be a way. I know once it is nice out he will spend a lot of time outside so that helps, but just that fact that he is home makes me slack. This is unacceptable because I need to start training in cycling soon. Time is flying, it's already mid February!

Tonight was an epiphany. Nothing new, just something that finally clicked for me. If I have to be awake anyway, I may as well take advantage of it. I can work out in front of Parker, so I have no reason not to during the week. The time is going to pass anyway, so why not make the most of it? I can either sit here thinking about the things I need to do, or I can do them. One thing that I have been struggling with is results. It takes a long time to see results when you work out. I am not patient, I want to see results now! But, I can either do nothing and 6 months from now see no changes or I can put in the time and effort and 6 months from now hopefully fit into that dress I bought knowing there is no way I can wear it unless I lose some weight. Either way the 6 months will pass.

What outcome do I want in 6 months?

What besties are for

 Pretty much anyone that has read my blog even once or knows me in real life knows that Ashley is my bestie. I can't even tell you how awesome she is. Recently I was doing some scanning in a facebook group that I am part of and I came across a post where a girl was ranting about the fact that since she had started running a few of her friends/coworkers had decided to start running. This girl was extremely annoyed by this fact. So much so that she was debating telling those people how annoyed she was in hopes that they would stop. She felt that running was "her thing" and she didn't want to share it.

This got me to thinking. Ashley is 100% to thank (blame/curse depending on the day lol) for me starting to run. She started running and when she discovered how much she enjoyed it she invited me to join her. If she hadn't, I most likely never would have started. Before I started my journey to becoming healthy I had thought about working out, but running had never crossed my mind. The only time I have ever run was when I was in the Army and I hated it with a passion. That is an entirely different kind of running people, way different!  Ashley and I sometimes ran together, sometimes not. And by run together I mean we start at the same time and then take off and do our thing and meet at the end. But that makes all the difference in the world.

After reading this girl's post about how mad it made her that she had inspired people, I really thought about what it meant to me that Ashley had shared "her thing" and made it "our thing". I love the fact that we can get together and do things that are fitness related. I have so many awesome memories of the runs we have done together. I'm so fortunate to have a bestie that isn't annoyed by the fact that she is an inspiration to me.

I know that not being able to run through her pregnancy has been tough for her. I know she is very much itching to get back to it. I keep her updated on my progress so that she stays motivated and so that she knows when she gets back to it I will be right there and hopefully a little better at keeping up with her. That girl is fast people, she ran her  half marathon in 2 hours 17 minutes! That's less than a 10 minute mile for over 13 miles!!! She is amazeballs!!! I think it's important for me to recognize this and let her know how much I appreciate her for sharing "her thing".

Have a fantastic day!

Also, you must check out my newest medal. This one is by far my favorite yet. Seeing some summery things is the middle of our super cold "polar vortex" laden winter was totally worth logging some miles to get this baby!

Loss

    One of my goals for the new year is to be more positive overall. I was raised in a very negative environment and it's all that I know. Most everyone in my family is very quick to see the negative and be miserable. I have realized that it is up to me to change this for my son. I have been working hard to be positive and show my son that it is ok to be happy.

     That said, this post has been in my head for awhile and the only way to get it out is to put pen to paper. In order to be positive, I need to release the negative.

     Just before Christmas this year my dad died. For those that know me, know that he wasn't my biological dad. My biological dad walked out and I have never met him. (As it turns out, if you are married you shouldn't get your girlfriend pregnant.) I have harbored a lot of anger about this situation for many years. I also blamed myself, which is ridiculous and I know that now. But for many years I didn't understand how a parent could just walk out and never meet their child. At this point in my life I have come to the acceptance that if he was able to walk out and not look back then I am probably better off for it. After all, if you can be that kind of person you probably would be an even worse parent.

    Anyway, back to my dad. When I was tiny I was practically attached to his side. I have a lot of memories of working in the garden with him and standing on the moped in front of him and going for a cruise. ( Yes I am aware that is illegal and dangerous, so sue me I thought it was fun and I trusted my dad) My mother and he split up when I was about 9 and it was at that point that I found out he was not in fact my dad. Although, in recent talks with my sister I have learned that this was not in fact the first time that this came out, but it was swept under the rug and somehow I just let it go. But after I found out for sure, it was undeniable and everything changed. For a long time my dad still acted the same, I went to his house whenever my brother did, and he never treated me any differently. Then there came a time when my brother didn't agree with this and things changed. My dad and I grew apart because my brother didn't want to share anymore, but that's ok, I get where he was coming from. To this day I have always considered my dad's three sons from his first marriage to be my brothers and my dad has always been my dad. He wasn't perfect, but he was there. He sent birthday and Christmas cards, and always told me if I needed anything he would be there.

     It was a total shock when dad died. In my mind he was this amazingly strong man, almost invincible to say. He had lived with  diabetes for about 20 years I would say. He had beat leukemia, and I've seen him pull through serious sicknesses and infections, and he never quit. He was so hard working, he was told to stop working after he had leukemia and yet, he went back to work.

     In school we learned about the stages of grief. As I have said, my dad and I have grown apart, and because of this, I have been able to deal with his sudden death, however, I am stuck in the anger stage. What is getting me, is the fact that he is gone and not someone else. He didn't die in an accident, he died in his sleep at 55. Way too young! I get that it happens, and I get that with everything that he has been through his immune system was highly weakened, I get it, but it makes me angry. I hate to admit that I feel there are other people that I feel should have taken his place. People that I believe have some bad karma coming their way but yet always seem to never get it.

   So this is where I am at: my dad is gone and I am angry.
  
    And now that I have put it out there I feel a little better already. I hope that my dad knew how much I appreciated the fact that he was there and he accepted me as his own. I know that my hard work ethic comes from him. Now I can hopefully focus on the positive and my plans to have a garden this year and remember the positive memories.

BIG THINGS!!!

   If you happened to read my last post, at the end I mentioned that I have some big things planned for this year. I'm not talking kinda more than I did this year, I'm talking BIG!

  I've set some goals for this year. Of course living a healthy lifestyle and losing weight are always the ultimate goal, but this year I don't have number set. I have big things that I am going to do, and in training to do them I should see the weight loss. In order to accomplish my goals I will have to live healthy. It's not even an option, if I don't live healthy I won't accomplish my goals.

  First things first, start small-ish. Last year in March I ran a 5k that was the start of my downfall. Up until this point I was working out and running regularily and seeing progress. Then there was this particular 5k. It was on St. Pat's day. Something happened and I got into my own head. Anyone that runs or works out at all knows that the mental aspect is huge. Once I was in my head it all went downhill. I wrote a whole post about how bad it was. I thought about giving up, I actually stopped moving and just wanted to quit, but then I realized that I had to get back to the finish point anyway so I was not going to quit. I pulled my head out of my ass and finished. But, that was the beginning of the end. I stopped working out, I stopped running almost totally. I still continued to run my 5k every month, but it showed in my times. I stopped making progress and gained back the weight that I had lost.

  My first goal for 2014 is to redo this particular run. I am going to once again do the same St. Pat's day 5k. I am going to finish and I am going to beat the stigma that run left me with. I feel that it's something I need to do in order to get past the horror of last year. So, I've got the registration page bookmarked on my phone and before I go to work tonight I will register for this year's run and then I will keep training and hopefully rock that run!

  My friend Nara has asked me to do a 5k with her in April and I have told her that I am pretty sure that I will do it. It seems to fit into my schedule, and since she moved away I don't get to see her often. I'm pretty excited for it (the picture she sent me said you get a finisher's medal and as I have stated, I am getting addicted to earning those medals)

  After that there is a gap where I have some ideas of things I am going to do, but the big things are coming. The first big thing I am going to do is on August 3rd. I am going to participate in the Ledgeview Escarpment Bike Tour. I'm going to bike the 75 mile route. 75 miles, I'm talking get on a bike, (pedal, not motorcycle, people) bike 75 miles, and get off my bike. Ok, there are rest stops along the way, but that's the gist of it.
 
  However, the Escarpment tour is not the end, just a stepping stone along the way. This year, on September 7th, I am going to do the Door County Century!!! That's 100 miles people!!! 100 freaking miles, on a bike, at once!!! I had been tossing the idea around for a bit as a new hurdle to challenge. One of my friends has announced that she also plans on doing the same century this year. She has done a century before so she knows what she is talking about so I am really hoping to get some tips and advice from her because she is totally amazeballs and such a huge inspiration to me!!!

  That's still not it, while I am training to bike a century, I am still going to be running and training because this year I am going to run my first half marathon! According to my training plan this should happen some time in October. I even have the pair of socks that I am going to wear... knee high socks are kind of mine and Ashley's thing. Every time I am doing an official run, I buy a pair of knee highs just for that run. I know a lot of people do it, but I don't care. Part of the anticipation for the run for me is getting that new pair of socks. Ashley wants to get back to running after she has her baby in April, and she has said that she wants to run the half with me, so I bought her a matching pair of socks, and people, I am excited about these socks! (Yes, I have issues, I'm ok with that. They make me pretty awesome)

  After my half in October, or sometime in that range, I haven't picked one out yet, my training still isn't done. I've told Brian of my plans for all of these things, when I told him about wanting to do the century I was very excited, and his response was "I don't think that's a good idea".  But, I have learned that I can't always make others happy and sometimes I need to do what makes me happy. So with or without my husband's support, these are my goals this year and I will persevere. And if he doesn't like those plans, he really isn't going to like what I've got planned for 2015. No official announcements, but Ashley and I are making plans already to be finalized in the next few months, and it looks something like this:

No, I'm not going through a gender reassignment!

 So here is to making 2014 a year of BIG to help me reach my goal of being smaller. Now, I'm off to get my run in for the day. (Check out above picture, that bling is going to take some serious dedication!)

12 in 12 months recap

     In December of 2012 I did a 2 mile sleigh bell run in preparation for the 5k I was planning on running New Years day. At some point in time I set a goal to run one official event every month for 12 months. I've posted along the way but I figured I'd do a recap of all 12.

December 2012 Ashley and I did the sleigh bell run in Kiel. This was a two mile event for me and the start of my 12 in 12 months.

January I did the color my new year run in Oshkosh. Ashley was very ill so I flew solo on this one. I had icicles on my eyelids when I was done but I was so proud to finish my first 5k.

February Ashley and I did the Schneelauf 5k in Elkhardt Lake. I got hit with a really bad migraine and thought I was going to throw up but I finished. (And did throw up at Parker's b-day party a few hours later)

March we did a 5k on St. Patty's Day. This was a tough one for me, I wrote a post about it and don't need to go back there.

April was the Oshkosh 5k for me and Ashley's first half marathon.

May was the Dream in Color 5k in Manitowac. I did this one with Parker, it was so fantastic crossing the finish line with him!

June Ashley and I did our first obstacle course run, the Edge the Ledge in Fond Du Lac...killer!

July was the firecracker 5k...apple pie at the finish

August was the dirty girls mid run, this was probably my favorite run of any that we did. I totally plan on doing this one again in 2014.

Septrmber's plans got changed and we didn't end up doing the run we had planned so instead I did a virtual run. The I run for Kaysen 5k was a charity run for a tiny baby in need of a heart transplant.

October me, Ashley' her son and her sister did a local run to raise awareness against bullying. I love it when the kiddos get involved! I hope Parker gets involved more this year.

And finally.....

November, number 12..... I did the great turkey run of 2013. I got this awesome medal, even though it's just for finishing and not being the fastest, I have to admit I am kind of addicted to earning medals.

So I completed my goal and even though my fitness journey got off track I didn't give up. Stay tuned people big things are coming in 2014!