It's Over!

Christmas is over! Don't get me wrong I love Christmas, but I am glad it's over. (Well almost. My sister and brother are coming over this weekend to do our own little family thing like we always do.) Every year I get all hyped up about the holidays and this perfect little picture that I have in my head of how I want things to be and how they should be. In my head things are all nice and happy and perfect. I just have this perfect family picture in my head that I've had ever since I was a little girl. Anyone that knows me knows that my family life has been totally messed up. Having a great family has always been a top priority for me. My family is quite fantastic. My immediate family is great, Brian, Parker, me and our zoo. Outside of that there is my sister and her little family, Aaron, and their two kids Aidan and Lana. I absolutely adore those two kids. Aidan has a special place in my heart because he is my first and so far only nephew. It's been amazing to watch him grow and become the person that he is today. Lana is special to me because she is so far my only niece and since Parker is a boy she is my little girl outlet. She's my little diva. She shares my love of shoes and clothes and I love that!!! I also have my brother Mike who so far doesn't have any kids, but he is still a youngin' so it's cool, and his girlfriend Hailey.

Anyway, back to this Christmas. When I was real little, there were 6 of us kids. We had a big family and big family gatherings. Growing up I always dreamt of a big family. I thought I would have 3 or 4 kids. After Parker I realized maybe the big family wasn't for me. I like to work and I like to spoil my son. If there were 4 kids, could I give them all the same amount of attention and spoiling that Parker gets? At this point the decision is easy because Brian doesn't want any children. He gets to enjoy Parker and that's enough for him and it's enough for me. Parker is all independent and stuff and to go back to having a tiny baby isn't what I want. But anyway, this makes my Christmas visions all messy. First off, Parker's dad is a giant douche and every year pulls some crap move. This year it was just simply taking him out of state without my permission and keeping him for 3 days that I was supposed to have him. It meant that instead of having him Christmas eve night and waking up here Christmas morning, I didn't get him until Christmas morning at 10am. This right there just kind of killed my Christmas mood.  I already wasn't feelin it and Brian doesn't enjoy family things. He doesn't like family gatherings, he doesn't like doing the whole gift thing, he just doesn't like it. I try to ignore that and I usually do but it gets to me. We went to my Grandma's house after getting Parker and Becky and crew came too. But it wasn't that enjoyable to me because the whole time I was sitting there thinking, man I hope Lori doesn't show up. Mike doesn't really go to our family things much and I understand it totally, but I didn't see Mike at all on Christmas. That bugs me. Once again, my perfect picture just doesn't turn out perfect and I wanna throw a fit.

After my Grandma's we went back home and Parker was super cranky as he usually is after spending a few days with his dad. He took a rest for about half and hour, then he did the presents from us. He was pretty happy with his gifts, the only thing he told me that he wanted for Christmas was the Disney infinity game, so that's what he got. Yeah, yeah he is spoiled. Oh well. After our gift opening we waited a bit then we went to Brian's parent's house and Parker did more gifts there. We visited for awhile then left there and we went to see the movie Frozen. I wanted us to do a little family activity together. I had invited Mike and Becky, but it was Christmas and they had stuff so I understood and that was fine. After the movie we ate a late supper, sat a bit, and then went to bed. Yeah, we were all in bed by like 10pm, aren't we rebels? Parker always says adults get to go to bed whenever they want, if he only knew on my days off I am in bed just about right after him.

I guess my Christmas wasn't bad, but it once again just wasn't the perfect picture that I had in my head. I am grateful for my family and thankful for everything I just feel like I am constantly searching for a way to make up for the fails of my childhood.

(ask him about his t-rex, it's awesome)

 

(told you, it's great!)

 

So, Christmas is over, and I know that New Year's hasn't hit yet, but I have set some goals. I'm not sure that I wanna talk about them a lot, but I've got some big goals for 2014. Why wait for 2014 to start? One of my biggest issues is procrastination so I'm working on that one. So after I finish up this post and put some laundry away, I am going to hit the treadmill for awhile. One of my goals is to get back into working out again. I had been doing well for a long time last year and then just stopped pretty much. Well, I'm ready to get back into it. I am hoping to include Parker a lot in it this year. I know that it's very important to teach him healthy habits for life.

 

I hope everybody had a fantastic holiday!

10 months ago

     Ten months ago I was a very different person. I didn't feel good about the way I looked, in fact I hated it. I don't often look at myself, there isn't a full length mirror in my house. In fact, I was very much in denial. Anyone who has known me a long time knows that I used to be skinnier. I mean like 100 pounds skinnier. (Kind of get a bad taste in my mouth when I say that.) How did I let it get like this?  I know how, something happened and I gained a few pounds. No worries, then life happened and a few more pounds crept on. I had so many things going on, starting with a baby that I stopped worrying about myself and started worrying just about him. Suddenly I was a single mom and it was like oh, I'm a single mom with a toddler, ain't nobody checking me out anyway. Apparently somebody was checking me out, cuz here it is almost 5 years later and we are still together! When Brain and I started dating I did lose about 30 pounds, but then of course time goes on you get comfortable together, things happen. One thing, Brian quit smoking two and a half years ago!!! Yay for him, bad for me. You see, he quit smoking and somehow I ended up gaining sympathy weight, how does that work? He gained weight too, but I don't care about that. Well, that's not true, since I have started my journey to a healthy lifestyle I do care about his weight. Not because of how he looks, I don't have complaints about that, but because I worry about his health. I know how being overweight is unhealthy. But, that is his journey and if he chooses to change that is up to him.

     Then my bestie moved back to town. She had recently taken up running and she was really loving it.  She invited me to join her, I sense that she knew the point I was at. She has never once talked about my weight, or told me that I need to lose weight. All she did was simply invite me to the track to try out running with her. Secretly I think she knew that I needed a push. I needed some direction, flat out I needed HELP! That day was tough, I could only run a few feet and was out of breath, I was embarrassed by how I looked so I was wearing way too many clothes to cover myself up. I didn't have shoes that were good for running in at all and I rubbed the backs of both heels until they bled. I remember this group of kids that were standing by the edge of the track laughing and I'm sure they  were laughing at me. I remember thinking, "I hope you appreciate your skinny bodies, I used to look like that."

   I left there that day feeling totally defeated and miserable. But for some reason  I went back the next day, alone even. Ashley was miles ahead of me in training, literally, I think she was running at least two miles by that point. Those kids were there laughing at me again, I may have cried, I can't remember. The third day I couldn't run, my shoes were so bad that it just wasn't going to happen. So that weekend Ashley and I went shopping and I bought some running shoes. This whole production was almost exactly one year ago. I can't remember how long after that it was that I set my goal. At first it was to run a 5k. Seemed like the thing to do, I need motivation, I need a goal or I will quit. If I'm not working for something, it doesn't happen. Sure losing weight and getting healthy is the main goal, but I needed something to hold me accountable. So Ashley and I decided to do the Color My New Year run in Oshkosh on New Year's Day. I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow we decided to do the Sleigh Bell Run in Kiel in December. At some point in here I knew that I needed more pushing, that one 5k in January wouldn't be enough to make me commit. I needed more. It took me a long time to get fat, it will take  a long time to lose that fat. Somewhere along the line I made the goal to run in one officially timed run every month for a year. Ashley said she would join me in the challenge.

     December's Sleigh Bell Run was my first run, which was a month before I had planned on running my first event, but it was fun! Along the way there have been runs that have been really fun and that I have enjoyed, and there have been runs that have been horrible and I've wanted to quit. But I haven't quit, I have finished every single one of them the good the bad and the ugly!!!!

      September marks my 10th month, and although it was a bit different, I still did it. You see, September's event was supposed to be the tough mudder, but as it ended up, Ashley got pregnant (Yay, I'm so excited for them to have another baby, it's about time!) and couldn't do the tough mudder. I have done runs without her before, but I wasn't willing to do that one alone, no way! So I ended up hearing about a virtual 5k that was being held for this little baby girl that needed a heart transplant. The Run for Kaysen Virtual 5k ended up being my September run, and although it was a virtual one which means I had to do it on my own, no set time or place, I still did it.

 

Since it was a virtual 5k and Ashley didn't do this one with me, you know being busy getting married and all that jazz (again, so stoked for them, really about time for that one, but they had their reasons for waiting) I had to have Parker take my "finish line" photo, but there really wasn't a finish line, so you get a nice view of part of my bedroom.

 

As I was running this and realizing that it was my 10th month of my goal it was very strange to me. I'm only 2 months away from finishing my goal and Ashley and I have our October run all scheduled for this weekend. We are doing a local run in the next town over that supports bullying prevention. I'm not sure I ever really thought that I could, or would do this. I do know one thing, if Ashley hadn't invited me to the track a year ago to just try it out, I wouldn't be where I am today. To be honest, I still need to get my eating under control, and I haven't lost all that much weight because of it. You can't out train a bad diet. But, I have changed so much. Mentally, and physically. I am stronger in both ways. I know that I can do it, and will do it. I also have a physical strength that I never had. It's no longer oh come lift this for me it's too heavy. No, it's don't worry about it I can get it no problem.

 

So ten months ago I started chipping away at this year long goal and I am now only two short months away from achieving it....it seems surreal. I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but for me it is. I was sure that I would give it a month or two and be done with it. Now, I am looking forward to more. I totally want to do the Dirty Girls Mud Run again next year! I have fallen off the wagon for awhile with eating and running and cross training, but I am getting back to it and it feels great!

 

Until next time, probably this weekend when I can post the finish line pics from my 11th month of my running goal, Love ya!

My loves, and life in general

Hey there blog world,

I have noticed that  many of my posts are on the downer side. Possibly because I have always used "journaling" as a way to vent. It helps me get my thoughts out so that they don't just sit there and spin around inside my head. You see, I work in a setting where it's mostly me and my thoughts all night long, and cheese, thousands of pounds of cheese every night. But I like cheese and paychecks plus they have air conditioning so it's all good, I'm not complaining.  So I've decided to mix it up and fill this whole post with some of the things I love. There are a lot f them so we will just hit on the big ones.

Of course my first love is my little man, Parker. It saddens me that he is growing up and no longer wants to hang out on my lap and sometimes he would rather hang out with Brian to do "guy stuff" rather than hang out with me. But, that's how life goes, can't keep him from growing up.

 Here he is after just getting his yellow belt in tae kwon do. He worked so hard to earn that belt, it took I think about 16 weeks. He just saw this picture and said "hey you should write that I used my sweat, blood and tears to get that belt," so here it is, he used his sweat blood and tears to get that belt. No kidding, there was sweat and some tears, it's frustrating for a 6 year old to have to wait that long to get the pay off for your hard work, but no blood. Can't even tell you how proud I am of him. I love this little guy more than anything, having him has definitely been one of my better choices in life. He is in this phase right now where he never shuts up, which drives me absolutely insane, but I guess it's payback. He may not look like me, but man he sure acts like me....oh boy!!!

Here he is after an after school trip to the ice cream shop. Cuz when it's 93 degrees out in mid September you gotta have some ice cream, you just do.

My second love would be Brian of course. That man is amazing! I don't understand why we are so good together, when you get down to it we don't make much sense, but hey, it works so I don't ask questions. As we all know, I am not fond of my ex husband, but if I hadn't met him my life would have taken another path and I wouldn't have ended up managing the Kiel mobil where I met Brian. Sometimes we have to make the wrong choices in order to end up making the right choices. Brian drives me just nuts enough to keep me happy. We look at things in very different ways, so he always has a suggestion when I am stumped. We disagree....A LOT...but that's ok. For instance, right now we are trying to remodel my living room, it's at a standstill because I want dark flooring and trim and he wants light flooring and trim....UGH!!!! But he pushes me to always be better. He was highly supportive when I wanted to go back to school a year ago.

Had to go all the way back to April to find a pic of him on my phone, he doesn't much like to be picturized. While I was on vacation last week he introduced me to some new music, and I really like it. We don't usually agree on music choices, but I have discovered some good stuff thanks to him.

And then....there's Molly! She is my first ever dog. There were like two points where we had a dog growing up, but it lasted like two weeks then my mom would get rid of them, turns out pets are work and that's not her style. Molly is the perfect addition to our family. She has so much personality and she is just like us.

Besides living things, there are a lot of things in my life that I love. One thing that I love is spending time with my family We enjoy doing things as a family, many of them outdoors. We love things like camping and going to our cabin and four-wheeling. When the weather is nice we love to be outdoors. I love being in the sunshine and fresh air. I'm no farm girl, but I love to get out to the middle of nowhere and just unplug.

So even though I may come off as mean and way serious, if you are allowed in my inner circle, you get to see fun side....like the fact that I would love to just lay in the grass and roll like Molly does! Here's to having a great day and enjoying life!!!!

Self Worth

      Most people that know me well also know that I don't think very highly of myself. Years of being told I wasn't smart enough (even though I graduated 6th in my class) or pretty enough (even though I used to be skinny and looking back, pretty good looking) have taken their toll on me. Sometimes I've let what others say to me hold me back. Sometime the opposite happens and I use it as motivation to prove them wrong.

     For almost the last year I have been on a journey to change to a healthier lifestyle. This has been really hard, as I knew it would be, and I haven't gotten quite to where I would like to be in the last year, but I only have myself to blame for that. When I committed to this journey I started eating better and gave up drinking soda. I was working out almost every day of the week, and I was seeing results. I was losing weight and I could see changes in the way my clothes fit, and I felt a lot better. I had energy and didn't feel tired all of the time. Then someone made a comment and it got to me. I looked at myself and said yeah, they are right, what's the point? I once again totally convinced myself that I wasn't worth the time it would take to get healthy again. I convinced myself that I wasn't worth anything better, and I totally flubbed an entire semester of school.

  I have struggled with this most of my life, but lately it has been really tough. I've been down on myself, I haven't been working out, I've been drinking soda like it's going out of style even though it makes my stomach hurt and makes me gag, and things have been going crappy. But, when you put in crap, what do you expect to get out other than crap? Don't get me wrong, my family is amazing. Parker is doing great, he earned his yellow belt in tae kwon do. Brian as ever is great, he has always said I don't need to change a thing, but really, he didn't know me when I was skinny, so what does he know? My family is great, and my life is great, but I am not great.

    This is what I have decided to take control of. My focus is not only going to be on my physical health, but my mental health as well. After all, my mental health is affecting my journey to physical health. Hopefully this is something I can change. Today I made the decision to get another tattoo. I have actually been toying around with the idea for some time, but didn't know if I could commit to it. After all, once it's there, it's there. I know, kind of hypocritical coming from me who totally regrets my first tattoo..... DO NOT GET A TATTOO AT YOUR KITCHEN TABLE!!!!

   I thought long and hard about this one, how committed am I to this journey that I'm on?

  So here it is, my new tattoo. I have to be committed to this journey, to myself. I haven't been committed to myself in a very long time. I have let what others have told me change me, I have spent too much time trying to please others or prove them wrong. Yes, that is blood in the picture, I took it about an hour after it was done. This is on my foot, in the same form that my flip flop straps go in. When I look down, ( I spend a lot of time looking at my feet) it will serve as my reminder that I am indeed worth it. Worth the time my physical health takes, worth the time my mental health takes, worth doing great things, worth it all.

  And here is my picture from inside the car wash. Man I wish pictures had scent-o-vision because I love the smell of the tricolor foam. When we got out of the carwash Parker said, "let's do that again" and I honestly considered it because that smell is great!

Really Chaps My Ass

      Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not little miss Suzy sunshine. I don't sugar coat things, I tell it like it is and if that offends you I'm sorry, but at least you know you are getting the real me. So today I want to share a few things that really just tick me off! Mostly just everyday things that I'm like really people, come on!

So here goes in no specific order, but I will number just to be organized:

1. Guys that wear skinny jeans, they don't look good on any guy. I know you are trying to make your feet look bigger, but it doesn't matter

2. Guys with long hair, it also doesn't look good, cut your hair.

3. Guys that can't pull up their pants, man I am really rippin' on the guys here, but really, pull up your damn pants!!!!

4. Ok, enough with the poor guys, people who come flying up to a stop sign then depend on their brakes to stop them at the last minute. Would it really be so bad to stop with plenty of time incase there happens to be an issue with your brakes?

 What's next, there are just so many things that drive me nuts on a daily basis... seems like mostly silly guy trends drive me nuts right now.

5. People that lack common sense. I can't handle it, sometimes I want to look at these people and be like what goes on up in your head?

6. Stupid people, yes this is different than people with no common sense, some people are just flat out dumb. I know that some people can't help that they aren't that bright, but I'm sorry I just can't handle it. I'm not saying that I know everything, very far from true.

7. People that start pulling into an intersection that I have not passed yet.  I really want to just stop right in front of them so that they are stuck in the road in oncoming traffic.

I think that just about does it for now, there are a lot of things that chap my ass, but too much of that in one day would just be overwhelming.

Close Quarters

  Yesterday we got back from Rock USA. It was four days of heat, sweat, a little rain, music, grilling out, festival foods, and a little drinking.....Did I mention HEAT and SWEAT????

There are a lot of things that can and will test the relationship of two people. Being in close quarters, such as those of our camper, is one of those things. Brian and I spent four days living in our camper at Rock USA. Oh yeah, with three other grown adults!! We weren't lucky enough to get an electric site, so we had to power everything  with a  generator. We could run the air conditioner, but due to campsite rules, we could only run the generator until about 1am, so by morning it was HOT! I learned  few things, it's really nice being the ones that own the camper cuz we were the only ones that got an actual bed! The couch has a built in fold out air mattress, and the table drops down to a bed as well, but still, I think those are meant for kids more so than grown adults....anywhoo....

We had filled the water tanks so we could grab a shower at least, but the original plan had been to use the porta potties since they weren't that far and Brian didn't want to have to empty the black water (or as I call it, the poop tank) Well as it turns out, I don't like porta potties, and they make me gag. After I almost tossed my cookies, Brian said we could use the bathroom in the camper. Yay, I love my man! And that shower I talked about, it was short, kinda chilly, and odd to not just leave the water run the whole time. But come on, there are only 42 gallons of water and there were 5 adults that needed to shower. I got soap in my eye, and in my mouth (and I wasn't even cussing!! Come on, isn't soap in the mouth reserved for cussing?) But man did that shower feel good!!!

The festival it self was pretty good. I don't really listen to that type of music and was really only interested in seeing two bands. The first was Godsmack, that was freaking awesome! Someone had a connection to someone that got us in the VIP section for Godsmack. The chairs were zip tied together, but it was great. I turned around and saw the huge mass of people behind the VIP fence and I was a little nervous. All it takes is one stupid drunk person to shove one other stupid drunk person and that could have gone downhill in a hurry. But everything was good, the show was so worth it, and we made it back to the campsite pretty quickly. Someone did tear out a section of decorative fence around a booth to make a shortcut, but I didn't do it so I don't feel all that bad I was just following the crowd in the general direction of the camping area. The other band I wanted to see was Road Trip, a local band that I have seen on a few occasions. Honestly I was disappointed. First of all, they played a few country songs and a few pop songs and I think 1 rock song....ummmm...hello, did we forget that it was Rock USA? Anyway, besides that they just didn't sound as good as they have in the past.

Even though I don't listen to the other bands that were at the festival, I went to see several of them. Surprisingly, I liked Twisted Sister, can't believe that I just said that. But my biggest shock was Jackyl. I actually know a few Jackyl songs and I didn't even know it. But he also put on a really good show! I was really shocked that I enjoyed it, but Brian said that I would so let's not tell him that I admitted he was right we can't have that.

Another good thing about the weekend was the fact that I didn't have to cook. I don't know how to grill good, and I didn't want to give anyone food poisoning, and I have ever been able to cook eggs, so I was relieved of cooking duties.

All in all it was a great mini-vacation. I got two books read, did a lot of relaxing, heard some good music, tried some delicious spiral spuds with nacho cheese and ranch seasoning, and had a few fried mini donuts. We all survived, and after a good, hot shower to wash off the dust and sweat I felt great.

AND then, it was back to reality....the unloading of the camper, the gathering of the zoo from various locations, and the general getting back to real lifeness aftermath of vacationing. I got a lot of things done today, and oddly enough I am kind of looking forward to getting back to work tonight. I get a lot of activity at work, according to my fitbit, at least 10,000 steps a night, and since I do "men's" work I also get to do a lot of lifting at work. I can even flex now! Not a whole lot of definition yet, but I'm getting some muscles so watch out!!!

Until next time!!!!

Edge the Ledge

  I don't  know how well known this is, but awhile back I set  a goal for myself to complete one organized running event every month for a year. I was planning on starting this adventure on January first with the Color My New Year run in Oshkosh. However, I am impatient and decided to start a month early with a local 2 mile run in Kiel in December. As it turns out, that would be the warmest run I would do until May. Crazy isn't it, the weather was nicer in December than it was in April for the run that Ashley and I did? Well, that's Wisconsin!

Yesterday was our run for the month of June. We did the Edge the Ledge mud run in Fond Du Lac. This was the first obstacle course run that we have done. It strays a bit from the normal runs we do where you get out, run and try to run as fast as you can. This one had 10 obstacles strewn about the 3 mile course. And people, this ain't no joke!!! This run was advertised as being "fun".....yeah, that's not what I was thinking as I was climbing the edge that was pure mud with some dangling ropes to pull yourself up.

But seriously, I have bruises, cuts, my knee hurts like a mother, and this morning I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but I can't lie, it was FUN!!!! Would I do it again, heck yes! In fact, I have already contemplated coming back for this same one next year when it hopefully won't kick my ass as badly.

And I am trying to put some pictures in here but everytime I try to upload the internet stops working!!! I will get them up as soon as I can....

So the run started and we started at a typical starting pace. It was about 27 seconds before we hit the mud. I tried to keep pace, but then I decided if I did I was going to fall/break my ankle/ look like a fool.  before that goodness ended we hit our first obstacle. It was pretty simple, climb some barricades. The metal fence kind they have at amusement parks to guide the long lines you have to wait in. I can't remember how many there were, I remember commenting that 4 would have been enough, but there were more than that. then there was a short distance and we hit our next obstacle. the Louisiana Bayou. to get into this one we had to go down this little slope, but being that we were the 4th wave to go it was completely smooth and pretty clear to us the way to go was the butt slide. First taste of mud, a dirty butt. then it was into the swampy water with some boards floating. To get out of the little swamp was a bit challenging, grab some trees and try to find a foothole. Like I said, we were the 4th wave of people so things were pretty torn up already. I can't remember the exact order of things after this, so it will be a little jumbled. There was a lot of slipping, sliding, and from me, falling. I can't count how many times I fell down, but it was a few and I think I get the most times falling award. We had to run through tires that were filled with mud and water. Thus far, things weren't so bad. We had to wade through a river (maybe a river I'm not sure) and then wade under this bridge. It was a little cold, but still nothing bad.  Hmmm...can't remember what was next exactly... more running, or trying to move quickly down mudhills and such during which I fell again. But after that fall I got up and got moving and saved myself from falling again with some pretty awesome balance moves  and a lot of flailing and arm waving.....it probably looked ridiculous but I didn't fall! We had to go through the river again, there was a guy to help us jump in, and a guy that was warning us of the giant rock that we had to step over to get into the culvert to get out of the river....yep, guy to warn us about the giant rock and I still managed to bash my bad knee on it pretty hard.

I wanted to sit down and cry, but my out of shapeness was already slowing us down a lot. Not long after the knee bashing I kind of felt a little dizzy and then the headache set in. I knew it was going to be a great one, I could feel it in my eyes and that part of my head right above the neck...oh joy, a migraine! I came prepared this time, I had my migraine meds in my bag in the car...awesome, let's get this done so I can get to my drugs....unfortunately we were still in the easy stuff. After the knee bashing we still had to jump haybales, not really too bad, and go over balance beams, again not the worst. Then there was the climbing wall. It was just some boards nailed together, green on the way up, yellow on the other side to go down. This was harder than I thought. Getting to the top was easy enough but getting over the top was a little harder. But I did it, and I didn't fall off the top and break my neck (which is what went through my mind when I was trying to get over the top.)At some point there was a hill that we had to inch worm down backwards, tough on the arm muscles, sweat dripped into my eyes burned like hell, and with my pounding head, a little but uncomfortable. There was also some ropes we had to go under, and a gorilla walk which was a fallen tree that we had to cross. And the love tent, I'm not sure where the name comes from, but it wasn't that bad.  There were monkey bars, of which I fell off of into the hay below. (was that 5 falls, 6, I can't remember) After the monkey bars we had to wait in line a bit to go down slip and slide. Face first was the way to go, superman style, so of course I get up there, trip in the mud right before the tarp, and land on my butt....so I went with it, I pulled my knees up and slid....and then slid some more. Apparently this fat girl can slide, I went pass the tarp like all the skinny people did and landed in the grassy, muddy, pit at the end and slip through that to the next obstacle. The mud pit...this wasn't bad, just crawl through the mud under the little flags that were hanging a few inches above.

This was the bitch part....the edge....thus the name of the run. this was a steep hill that is clearly not meant to be climbed, but heck why not. I mean after all, they tied some ropes at the top to help us pull ourselves up.  This was ok until I was about 5 feet from the top. the people behind were pulling the rope higher and I lost my grip and I fell. (yes, again, I fell again) and slid a few feet back down the hill. the people behind me moved forward and I couldn't really jump back into my spot on the rope. I decided to go off the beaten path, and moved off to the side and found a small tree to grab and worked my way up to the top where my most amazing best friend grabbed my hand and pulled me over the edge. I took a ten second breather at the top then we carried on. At this point I really thought I might pass out, and my knee hurt worse than it has in a long time, but I knew we were so close to the end. We walked under the witches den, then down the Russian split, and there it was. Gladiator's Hill. The end, all I had to do was make it past the galadiators and that was it. But the hill was muddy, and my vision was starting to get fuzzy, and my knee, well, could it hurt any worse? But I was so close, and Ashley was already past the gladiators. So I tried to stay close to the person in front of me and hopefully sneak by the gladiators because to be honest if they had hit me with their giant q-tip things I probably would have fallen to the bottom again and just stayed there. But, as luck would have it, one of the gladiators dropped his giant q-tip thingy and the other one tried to help him grab it and I had a path and I took it. And that was it. I was done. I handed over my timer, and went to the buckets to wash up a bit. And I didn't pass out!

We headed back to the car, took our finishing photos, and changed into some less muddy clothing. I got my migraine medication, and got to sit down for the drive home.  After a good long shower and much scrubbing to get off the dried mud, I started to think. Here is what I realized,

1. I am not a trail runner, I have great respect for those who do, but I am not good at it.
2. I can do things. I am a quitter by nature, always have been....but with Ashley with me and pushing me, I finished the whole mud run. I fell off the monkey bars so I didn't really finish them, but I did every obstacle!!! A year ago I never would have done this. And if I did sign up and start, I would have quit. I would have let the pain get to me and I would have left the course and just walked back to the end. But, I finished, I did the whole thing, and I am glad.

So, overall, I am glad that I did the mud run. I learned that I can do these things. I feel miserable today, but I had a piece of my nephew's birthday cake yesterday and I didn't feel guilty at all, I earned that cake!! If I push myself I can do things I never thought possible. I am capable of things that I used to just say I couldn't do. It has been good motivation to continue onward and to see what else I can accomplish.

So, as an endnote, I will not give up I will not quit, I will continue to challenge myself and to see what else I can do. I may or may not have revealed a challenge I have set for myself to Ashley this weekend....she seemed to think it was a fun idea....it's awhile off so I have time to prepare and feel comfortable with this.  Too soon to make it known to everyone, but as soon as I am fully committed to this new challenge I will tell....

Until then, tough mudder, here we come!!!!


(p.s. pictures still won't upload, so I will have to put them up another day...)

Journey my ass, this is a war!

           At this point most people are aware that  I am on a small journey in my life. It's a journey to a healthy lifestyle. Of course the first goal is to lose weight, but in losing weight I am trying to get into a healthy lifestyle. I want to live a long and healthy life and see my son grow up. I also want my son to grow up learning a healthy life style so that when he is out on his own one day it is natural for him.

      But let's get real here, I want to lose weight! People, I want to get back the body I used to have. I didn't appreciate it then, and clearly I didn't deserve it. But now I am taking this sh*t seriously and I want what I used to have. In saying this, I have learned some things.

.....first off, when I say "journey", this makes it sound like something fun and exciting...that's total bullsh*t!!!!! This is not fun, this is not exciting, this is not anything good! This is a war, it ain't no journey!

Secondly, this war involves a lot of sacrifice. Everyday I have to make choices. I have to choose if I am going to eat the food that I love or the food that is going to get me what I want. Folks, these two things are not the same, not even close. Everyday I have to choose between relaxing or getting off my ass and moving. I have to choose between social outings and working out. Last weekend was the perfect example. Memorial Day weekend, it's a time for remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice protecting our country. But for most people this means cook outs and drinking and sitting around a fire drinking some more. Going to concerts, eating more junk, drinking more, and I don't mean water, and eating still more crap....Not for me this year! I am happy to announce that I put my booty to work.....

Brian and I put in a fire pit over the weekend....

See those stones around the outside, they weigh 42 pounds a piece. I moved them from the pallet to the shopping cart, then from the cart to the back of my truck, then from the truck into the lawn cart, drove the lawn cart down the hill then moved the stones from the cart to the lawn. See the little stones there, they came in bags that were 50lbs a piece I think. I moved those just as many times. See that ring there? It weighs 64lbs. I moved that too. So, I got my lifting workout in. I also dug about half the hole for the pit. Last year we put in a wall and cement slab for our garden shed, and I couldn't even lift the bags of concrete. No kidding people, I could not pick them up! Now I move this stuff around like nobody's business.

 

Besides helping with all the heavy lifting for our new fire pit, I passed up getting ice cream to go on a 7.5 mile bike ride. I haven't ridden my bike since Parker was just a tiny infant. I decided to get out and ride a little bit, and figured I would just go a mile or two. I figured when I didn't want to ride anymore I would be done. But I just kept going. Before I knew it I had gone over 7 miles and it felt pretty great.

 

On Monday my bestie and I got out and did some hiking. While most people were out at parties and cook outs and things that involve a lot of junk food and drinking, Ashley and I were out hiking. We went to a new place to do some exploring, and I think we are going to end up going back there with the kiddos. We went to Maribel Caves county park, it was pretty great.

 

   So yes, this journey/war SUCKS!!! And I hate that I don't see results every day. I hate that I can't indulge even a little without paying for it. I have a lot of anger and resentment for this war, and the sad part is that I know that it will never be over. I know that even when I have lost the weight, I can't drop my guard. If I let my guard down for even a minute I will start the backslide back to where I am now. It's totally depressing and sometimes overwhelming and makes me want to just quit and resign myself to a life of obesity and unhealthiness. But then, when I really get down to it and think about what I've done I realize a few things. I like to be active. I like running, I like hot yoga, I like hiking, and I like healthy food. Unfortunately I also like junk food and sitting down to watch a good movie.  So even though this war sucks and it will never be over, I will not surrender. I love running and chasing my son, and I want to teach him good habits and I want him to have a healthy life. It makes it all worth it. I will fight this war forever and  I will prevail.

   I know that I love junk food because it's addictive, and eventually I will kick this addiction. Eventually I won't be so mad that everyone else is pigging out and I'm sitting back eating my veggies. Eventually, but not today.....today I am fighting the urge to get a large cookie dough bizzard and eat the whole damn thing.

   Until next time, wish me some will power cuz I need it!

Let's try this again....

I must admit, I fell off the fitness wagon for awhile. It started with a 5k where I came in 2nd to last place. Then the next month there was a 5k where I got passed by speed walkers.....So I got all pissed off and just gave up for awhile. I was still active, but wasn't very focused. I didn't workout 5 days a week, or even 3 days a week for awhile. I wasn't watching what I shoved in my face, and in a few weeks it showed. The jeans that I was so proud to wear again were suddenly getting tighter when they had been pretty loose. I had broken my habit of getting on the scale obsessively, and it sucked. When I did get back on the scale after a few weeks of half-assing it, I was pretty upset, but not all that shocked. I knew I deserved what I got. I had gained back 7 of the pounds I had worked so hard to lose.

I was pissed and sad, and the whole gambit of emotions, but it was enough to kick me in the ass. I pulled out my mini-goal jeans and vowed to get back on track...again. I thought about how much I love my new found activities. I have noticed that since I fell off the wagon my energy level stunk, I was tired and crabby almost all the time, all the things that had made me unhappy before. So in the last week I have been getting back into my routine. I have restarted C25K and I have gotten back into working out.

I'm back on the wagon folks!!!

In the last week since I have rejoined the fitness wagon I can proudly say as of this morning I have relost the 7 pounds that I regained during my extended pity party! I know that losing 7 pounds every week isn't going to happen. I get it, this journey sucks and it's going to suck for a long time. I LOVE FOOD!!! That's what got me into this mess, I never thought about what I was putting into my body. It tasted good so I ate it. I have a huge food addiction that I know is going to cause me some setbacks. But, I will not quit. I deserve it, my son deserves it, and I will do it. I want Parker to grow up learning healthy habits to hopefully spare him from having to start the same journey when he is an adult.

Yesterday my bestie Ashley proved once again how amazing she is. I had mentioned the day before that I was considering buying a fit bit flex. But, they are in huge demand and are out of stock and on back order everywhere. Her fiancée told me that there isn't a Best Buy in the entire state that has one. Well, anyone that knows Dr. Ashley knows that silly things like that won't stop her. She had one on backorder on Amazon, but just couldn't wait any longer. She managed to find a store that had some and grabbed us each one!!!! So I set it up yesterday and plugged it in to charge while I was at work. When I got home this morning I put it on right away. I have been exploring the way it tracks, and what it can keep track of, and after Parker has tae kwon do tonight, I am going to do my C25K and we will see how it tracks that. I am super excited. I know that being my size any diet changes I make right now will result in a weight loss. But, I also know that the more active I become and the more I workout that I will need to start keeping track.

This journey is about getting a healthy lifestyle, not just losing weight. Yes of course that is the main goal, but I want  to do it in a healthy way. I need to be aware of the calories I am eating as well as the calories I am burning. It's not healthy to have  calorie deficit that is too big. I don't want to starve my body, I want to fuel my body. I have learned so many things since I started my journey. I know that I have a long way to go and it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that's how it has to be. There is no quick fix for a lifestyle change.

That said, I will stumble, I will fall, but I will get back up , dust myself off and do it again. As my journey marches forward I look forward to all the new adventures that lay ahead of me. The first of which comes at the end of June. The run of choice for June is going to be our first obstacle course run. I am both excited and scared. It's only a 3 mile course, so it won't be nearly as bad as tough mudder, however, it will hopefully be a good gauge of where I am at compared to where I need to be to not die during tough mudder.

Until next time!!

Sunshine!!!

Hey people, the sunshine has arrived!!!! And let me tell you that I have been enjoying it every day. This is awesome, but by the end of the day I am worn out, apparently sunshine makes you sleepy! Probably has something to do with all the activity that goes with it, but I don't care I am loving it!

This weekend was a totally awesome weekend! It started right after work Saturday morning. I drove straight to Manitowac to participate in a color run with my bestie, her little man, my beastie's sister and her boyfriend, and my little man. Parker has been telling me for a long time that he wants to run with me and this seemed like the perfect chance. Ashley rocked her half marathon a short time ago, but her knee is bugging her and she needs to take it easy for awhile, so inviting our little ones to "run" with us was a double win for us.

This is us after we crossed the finish line. Sorry it's a little hazy, that's actually orange paint powder that got over the lens of my phone camera. I also have the traditional finish line photo of Ashley and I of course. It's hard to believe that I am half-way through my goal of completing one run every month for a year. This run wasn't so much of a run, Parker started out running and we finished running and walked inbetween. I am so proud of that little man! I forgot how long a5k is for such little legs, but he never stopped moving once! He kept saying "I can't do it" but I kept telling him he could do it. When we were almost finished he finally said "Maybe I can do this." And of course he did it, I knew he would! I love him and I can say I am proud of him a million times, but I can't express how much that boy amazes me. He is going to do great things.

 

After we finished the run we got some lunch then we headed home. We rested a bit, actually we both ended up taking a nap. I hadn't slept from work the night before and Parker was just beat. After our nap he and I went to Scoops for some ice cream. I had promised Parker that if he finished the whole 5k we would go for some ice cream. I know that food especially junk food should not be the reward for activities, that's what leads down the bad path I was on, but really, we don't go for ice cream often. After ice cream we got some things to make supper, rented a movie, and headed home to enjoy our night. Brian was up at our cabin with his brothers for the night so it was just Parker and I for most of the weekend.

 

Sunday when Parker woke up he came in by me and he was a bit sad, and he said "Pretty much I just miss Brian." He really does adore Brian which is awesome, but I was all like, aren't I cool enough to spend more time with? Sunday we went to the playground to play and we packed a picnic o take along. Our adventure was pretty awesome, some ducks flew into the park and were floating in the river. Then they came up onto the bank near us and took a nap. We sat in a swing and watched them for a while and ate our picnic and played on the playground. It was really just a fantastic day!

If you look closely at the edge of the grass near the tree you can see the ducks just hanging out there. I love that Parker shares my love of nature. While at the playground Parker found some dandelions and he wanted to pick them for me (yes he still thinks they are flowers) so I suggested that we bring them home for ShelLdon. I had read in my research of Greek tortoises that they enjoy the dandelions so I figured we would try it out.

Guess what, ShelLdon loved the dandelions! I now have a use for the ones that I am sure will pop up in our yard soon enough!!!

 

Sunday evening Ashley and I had some super awesome plans!! We had tickets to see Jillian Michaels, live, in real life, in person.....get it, JILLIAN FREAKING MICHAELS!!! For those who don't know, I have a big girl crush on her, and she is one of my biggest idols.  People it was freaking awesome!!!! When we got to Milwaukee we parked, Ashley was awesome enough to drive, and then walked a block to the venue. We waited a bit, then found out we were waiting at the wrong venue, and had to walk a few blocks more to get to the right place. I must admit that I am ok with the extra walk after the three hours of sitting and oogling Jillian. It was late when we got out, but it was so worth it. She is so real and said so many things that I have been thinking about since then. She is so straight forward and I love that. I don't need someone that sugar coats things, I need someone to be real with me, and she is totally real with people. I am so glad that Ashley said we should go, it was  a life changing thing for me.

People, that is really Jillian Michaels!!!

And her little girl, so adorable!

 Can't really tell it here because my battery was dying and the flash wouldn't work, but the other person in this picture is actually Dani, the most recent winner of the biggest loser!

 

It was such a fantastic weekend, I am looking so forward to many more awesome weekends this summer!!! Parker loves anything outdoors, and Ashley plans on kicking my butt into shape.....have I mentioned how much I absolutely love having Ashley back living so close again?

 

Until next time,

enjoy your life, live it to it's fullest

 

 

Giving Up

This weekend was a real eye opener for me. I know I seem to have a lot of those lately, but maybe this point in my life is about change and learning. Anyway, yesterday was my 5k for March, you remember my goal of running in one 5k every month for a year? (As it turns out I am doing a few that aren't just runs but obstacle courses, and one that is 10-12 miles long. But still fit my goal of one official run every month.) Anywhoo.... The St. Patty's day run....

Here is Ashley and I before our run. Aren't we awesome? I got us some St. Patty's bling to have some fun with our run this time. We also had on a whole spectrum of colors so we looked great! While I was doing the 5k Ashley was doing her first and logest run to date, the 17k!!! Yay go Ashley!!! She rocks incase you didn't already know that!

Going into this run I kind of still had some leftovers from last month's run. You know, being the second to last runner to finish, and getting an insane migrane at mile one....I was kind of in a funk about this run. I wanted to do so much better than last month and be proud of myself again. This run was a lot bigger than our last. There were a lot of people and I started to feel better. With all these people there had to be a few slower than me right? I know I shouldn't look at it that way, I know that even though it is a race that I am not really racing and it shouldn't matter what place I come in. It's about me and gettng healthy. But let's face it, no one really ever wants to come in last place (or second to last).

It gets close to starting time and we file outside to line up. It was cold, a few degrees above 0 and the sun was not out yet since it was 7:30am!! By the way, do they just assume that all runners are morning people? Why are these things so early in the morning? I turned on my music and that was it. At this point everything else is gone. I am surrounded by people but it means nothing. It's just me and my music. But it was still cold....hate that part. I never hear the starting signal. By that point I am always lost in my music. I just start moving when the people in front of me move. We cross the line and start to spread out. This is where I always want to just start sprinting and go, but I know that would be dumb since I can't sustain it for long. I am really working on pacing myself outdoors, I seem to have a hard time with this. So I am running and I am doing pretty well, all the fast people have cleared out and I have space to move without getting elbowed. I do pretty well for awhile then my knee starts to hurt. This has been a big fear of mine since I have started running. I have a knee problem and I have been waiting for it to start bothering me since I have started working out. But it didn't hurt that badly, just a little pain. I can deal with that. Not too worried since I know there was snow coming in today. (Yes at 26 I have a weather knee...I feel like I am 80) My shins felt great, my feet felt great, but my butt did hurt. I didn't realize that running was such a workout on your butt....total tmi there but oh well. Compared to my post on puking that's nothing. I didn't even have my usual side pain. Everytime I run outside Iget a horrible side pain. But not yesterday. It seemed like pretty quickly I was coming up the the 1 mile marker and I was still running. This has never happened before, I always have to walk a bit before then because of the side pain and not being able to breathe. But, one mile outdoors and still going.....

Then it all crashed. I got passed....passed by two people speed walking. I was like what the f*ck!!! I am running, I know I am not fast or good, but these people are speed walking and just passed me!!! That was the start of the end. About a minute later my gps apparently stopped working because the lady in my ear told me the time was 15 minutes and I had gone a distance of 0.0 miles at a pace of 0.0 miles per hour. I was getting mad and I started thinking about the last race when I was second to last. And I got even more upset. Since I was already going down the path, I started thinking about the fact that several of Ashley's family members were coming out to see her cross the finish line. I mean, she as running 10.3 miles, people should see this, but just knowing that once again there was going to be no one there to watch me...it was just the icing on the cake. I got really upset and couldn't breathe and and then I just decided that my little knee pain was too much and I quit. I just stopped. I said f*ck it I don't care. I GOT PASSED BY WALKERS!!!! As I stood there just being mad and upset I realized I was still going to have to get back to the finish line anyway, so I started walking. I forced myself to calm down because honestly I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to end up going back the finish line via medic escort. Once I was calmed down I started having an internal argument with myself. I was going back and forth about quitting. I rationalized it by saying I have a knee problem I can quit. But then I had a flash of The Biggest Loser episode where they are hanging off the building and Gina just kept repeating "Pain is temporary, quitting is forever". Yes, I know how cheesy, the fat girl running has flashbacks of The Biggest Loser.

My cheesy flashback seemed to do the trick though. I decied that I was not going to quit. I was not going to give up and just walk the whole damn thing. What kind of example will I set for my son if I give up on everything and don't give it my all? So I lost myself in my music, stopped thinking, and  started running again...of course not fast because I am slow. I run, I don't run fast, I don't run well, but I run. I did finish the 5k. My momentary weakness and giving up cost me though. It was my slowest time yet by a minute. But I have learned a lesson.

Running is mental. It is very physical, but that is the easy part. The mental part is my obstacle. I keep telling myself that I am fat that I'm not a good runner that I'm slow. I keep saying it's a joke that I'm out here and I look ridiculous. But, that is something I am working on. I am working on the mental block in front of me. I will not give up I will keep going and someday I will run an entire 5k outdoors without stopping to walk once. I have always had confidence issues, but I will not give up!!!

After I finished I waited by myself awhile, then Ashley's family came and I waited with them and I got to see my bestie finish her longest run to date!!! It was pretty cool watching her come down the finish aisle and just knowing the hard work she has put into this. I know she was nervous too, but she met her goals and killed her time goal by 8 minutes. I am so freaking proud that my bestie is so awesome! So this is me, putting it out there, I don't care if I am good or not, I will not give up!!!!

 This is after our run. I've had an hour to rest, Ashley literally just finished running 10.3 miles and she still looks fabulous!!!

So by 9am yesterday I had a total breakdown, recovered, and finished a 5k....What did you do?

Until next time,

Oshkosh 5k here we come!!! (Well, half marathon for Ashley, cuz she is that awesome!!!)

Eye Opener

Hey there, another fantastic Monday is here! Actually I don't really care for Mondays much but they are unavoidable so may as well be happy. It has actually been a productive day for me. Parker had his 6 year check up today so I didn't go to class because it's just not possible to make it from Sheboygan to Appleton in under an hour.

Anyway, I had a huge eyeopener today. Anyone that reads this knows that I have been working towards a healthy lifestyle for me and am on a weightloss journey. I have felt bad when Parker feels like he needs to work out or thinks he needs to run like I do. I want to teach my son a healthy lifestyle, but not shove it down his throat. Well, let me tell you folks, sadly that is exactly what I must do it seems. His pediatrician told me today that me son is obese. I have been aware that he has a bit of a chubby tummy, but I have never thought he was obese. She said  a lot of this has to do with the fact that he is short for his age, but still. There's that word....obese....my 6year old is obese. Now, Spring is coming so I am not worried about his physical activity level one bit. There is never an argument trying to get him to go outside and be active. But, it's his eating I need to focus on. He loves fruits and veggies, so getting him to eat them is not hard, but I need to cut out the junk. I have been doing this for myself, but when I look at my son it's like I forget that his body works the same way as mine. But this is it, no more! His pediatrician said that if he doesn't start dropping some weight in 6 months that she wants to do blood work to check his cholesterol. Again, he is 6!!!! Like I said, he has a bit of a tummy, but I never thought it was really an issue since he does eat fruits and veggies.....

So my journey is no longer about me and my wants and needs. This is now about my son. I have always had the goal of teaching him healthy habits, but now it has to be serious!

On another note, I am going to be kickig it into beast mode here shortly. Thanks to a coworker and my bestie both asking me in the same week, it appears as though I am going to be doing the Tough Mudder this year! I am scared beyond bejeesus about it but I have 6 months to train for it. I haven't much focused on strength training since I really prefer cardio, but I need to change that. I am going to need my strenght to do this. So for the next 6 months I will be nervous out of my mind. But, part of this journey is doing things that make me uncomfortable. Like Jillian says, if you don't get uncomfortable, nothing will change." So I am going to get uncomfortable and I am going to work hard and I am going to do this!!! I will be terrified and paranoid the entire time, but I will do it! I will do the best I can and even if I don't do fantastic I will know that I worked hard and did the best I could. So wish me luck people here I go!

My next 5k is this coming Sunday and I am really hoping for some good weather. I am also hoping that I can knock off some more time and improve a bit more. Secretly I am also hoping that I don't come in second last this time... but I guess I will see about that one.  Did I forget to tell you how awesome it was at my last 5k that my bestie was there at the finish line waiting for me? I have complained a few times about noone seeing me, and it really was pretty awesome having a groupie!!! This weekend I get to be Ashley's groupie again as she is doing the 17k for the same event that I am doing the 5k. I am really excited to be there for her longest timed running event thus far!!!

That's pretty much all I have for now except that midterms are in two days and I am freaking out as always!!! But it will be one step closer to becoming a college grad!

Until next time!!!

Last Weekend (In words and pictures)

I know, thrilling title. There were actually a few others that went through my head, for example, I suck, Stomach Projectilings, migrane from Hades....if you read this whole post you will understand.

Last weekend was a very busy and cram packed weekend for me. There are some weekends where I have nothing going on, and there are some weekends where I don't have a minute to think. This past weekend was one of those crazy weekends and for the most part it was pretty great. After work Saturday morning I picked Parker up from my grandma's house, and we went home. I right away started with cleaning and getting ready for his birthday party the next afternoon. I started baking the cake, I decided to make it myself just because....well, why not?

That's the batter before it got baked, pretty cool huh?

While I was baking and getting things done, my bestie Ashley texted me and said that her and her little man were going to go snow shoeing at our local nature center in a few hours and invited Parker and I to join them. I knew I had a lot to get done, but I have never been snow shoeing before and I really wanted to go. So I decided that if I got all three parts of the cake baked in time that we would go. Cakes finished baking just in time for me to change my clothes and us to head out the door. So, snow shoeing we went.

I have to admit, it got a little long and it was a bit colder than I would have liked, but it really was a blast! Parker had a great time and he said he wants to do it again! I have realized since my bestie moved back home, how many things we have right at our finger tips that can get us out and active and still be a great fun family activity. I always love our play dates! After we got home from snow shoeing we were pretty pooped. I made some supper while Parker warmed up.

After supper he pretty much zonked out within 5 minutes. I took a 2 hour or so nap then got up and went back to work on my cake. It was about 4a.m. when I got to bed, and had the alarm set for 7am Sunday morning. Because of course, what should you do before a birthday party? You should run a 5k that's what! So that's what Ashley and I did. We participated in the 1st Annual Schneelauf run in Elkhart Lake. It was actually a pretty decent day out, about 28 degrees and not too windy, but there was not the sunshine that there was supposed to be so it was still pretty darn cold. I have added another shirt to my collection of runing shirts, and completed another run in my year of runs! I cannot lie, I am dissappointed in this run though. I came in 2nd last. There was only 1 other runner after me and it was an older gentleman. I knew pretty much the whole time that I was almost last and I wanted to quit. I wanted to just stop and walk off and take a shortcut back to the ending spot. But I knew that my bestie was there waiting for me. I also knew that this was the smallest run that I had ever been in, there were only 101 runners and a handful of walkers. Also, about a mile in I got this shooting pain through my brain. I have suffered from migranes for a long time, but this was a killer. And it struck at the worst time possible! I mean really, a mile into my run? So I pushed through, and I had to walk at times, but I did not stop and I did not quit. I finished, and I actually ended up cutting just over a minute off of my January 5k time. I know that I shouldn't be dissappointed, I cut a minute off my time even with the migrane from Hades. But, noone wants to finish that close to the end. I mean, 2nd last at 26 and the only person after me was in his 50's? But you know what, I was out there, I did it. I am working to make the changes in my life so that I can run that whole 5k someday. So that I don't come in last or 2nd last. So that when I am in my 50's I can run a 5k and maybe be the inspiration to that person chugging along at the end feeling badly about themselves.

So, here it is, my 3rd run in my year of runs, and I'm already signed up for the next one in March. I hope to cut some more time off and I'm also hoping for some warmer weather.

 

After the run we headed back home. I jumped in the shower, then set out getting the rest of the things ready for Parker's birthday party. Here is where I have to start giving thanks, pretty much every person that walked into my house got put to work. I have some awesome friends and family! I got to see a friend that I used to work with, I feel really special that she took the time to drive almost an hour to celebrate my son with me!!! Nara, you rock!!!

Parker had a magician themed party, so of course I had magic candles. Surprisingly he took it pretty well and just kept blowing them out. There was one that just kept relighting it was pretty hilarious!

 

For the entire party I still had my massive headache, and it was making me feel really not great at all. I had one taco to eat, and could not even eat a piece of cake. I took one bite.

 

****Disclosure, not for the weak of stomach****

Those of you that left the party earlier than others, consider yourself lucky. All of a sudden my feeling not great turned into feeling really not great and I knew there was going to be puke. Let's just say it was not pretty all across my kitchen floor, in the bathroom, and I somehow managed to make a stunning spray across the wall that I still haven't figured out. Here is where I have to give huge thanks. My sister and Brian are absolutely amazing!!! I cannot thank them enough! And to my niece who unfortunatly did not listen to the warning to stay out of the kitchen and had a falling incident I am sorry. I hope that is not a memory of me that you keep for too long.

 

Thankfully there are no pictures of this portion of the weekend so you are now safe. I can't believe that my little baby is going to be 6. Yes, it was not actually his birthday, but due to scheduling I usually have his party a week early. He said he had a great party and he really likes all of his gifts so all in all it was a good day! After the party and....the stomach projectilings, he and I went upstairs and both zonked out watching tv and snuggling. I'm happy that he still isn't too old to snuggle when one of us isn't feeling well.

 

Join me again next week when I am sure I will sob about my baby growing up too fast and all that jazz that you get from mothers.

 

Until then, let me leave you with a quote that really struck me today.

"Pain is temporary, quitting is forever!" 

 







How I do it

 It seems like every day at least one person says to me "I don't know how you do it." They mean, work full time, go to school 3/4 time, and still have time for my family. To be honest, I'm not really sure how I do it either. I just do. Most days I only get about 4 hours of sleep. I pay for that on the weekends. I am usually in bed by 10 or 11p.m. and sleep until 7a.m. Let me tell you, that messes with the 3rd shift work schedule. On Wednesdays I have class after work. By the time I get home it's time for lunch, which is the only time I get to see my fiancee during the week, and after that I have maybe an hour before Parker gets done with school. Thank you school district for getting out an hour early every single Wednesday...can someone please tell me why this is necessary? With everything else I still find time for myself. I have my bestest best friend to thank for that. My weight has been spiriling out of control the last couple of years. I have made every excuse in the book as to why it didn't matter. One of them being time. When did I have time to work out?

Well let me tell you, making the time to work out has been one of the best things I have done lately. Life is stressful, everyone seems  to think I make my crazy schedule look easy, but it comes with a lot of stress. During the week I am pretty much a single parent. Brian works 2nd shift so he is gone before Parker gets done with school. So homework supper and "tubbies" are all up to me. I have always said that I didn't have my son so that I could ignore him. But I have learned that taking time to workout is by no means ignoring him. In fact, it has been one more activity that we have started doing together. I am trying to teach my son healthy habits so he never has to get to the point that I hit. I am looking forward to this summer and getting outside to run with him. He loves to just go go go so why not let him? Sometimes he doesn't want to work out with me when I do it, so he just does what he does. He is after all, almost 6. He is capable of playing upstairs by himself long enough for me to work out and shower. He actually told me I didn't work out long enough the other day, his show wasn't over with yet.

Going back to school a year ago was a big decision that affected the stress in my life. It has been stressfull, but worth it. I realized that putting it off wasn't going to make it any easier. Now I am mad that I didn't go back sooner. But, that's the past and I am focused on the present. I do this because I want to be the best possible version of myself!

A couple weeks ago Ashley and I went to yoga on Thursday instead of Friday, before class starts we always get a quote to come back to during our yoga. On that particular day the quote was "Be the change you wish to see in the world" from Ghandi. I have come back to that quote several time since then. Iam not thinking so much the world, but my family. I wish for my son to go to college, so that is why I do it. I wish for my son to make healthy choices, so that is why I do it. Honestly I don't know how I do it some days either, but I do it. I don't think about it, I just do it. It needs to be done. I've got no time for excuses anymore.

And to end my post today, I got the rest of my Valentine's Day present from Brian this past weekend!!! Her name is ShelLdon (yes the second L is capitalized on purpose) and she is a Greek tortoise. Parker has decided that her middle name is "the tortoise" so her full name would be ShelLdon The Tortoise Bernard. (Please do not tell her that ShelLdon is a boys name, I had it picked out before I knew she was a girl and I was pretty stuck on it.) Anyway, she is quite amuzing and I am rather enjoying her. I guess that's good because their average lifespan is 50 years with some of them living as long as 70.

 The guy at the pet store said it could take a few months for her to get comfortable, but she is already really sociable. Whenever I pick her up she sticks her head and legs out instead of pulling them in. She was soaking in her water bowl today which is a great sign that she is all comfy in her new home. So we are now getting quite the zoo in our house. 3 humans a boxer, guinea pig, and a tortoise.

Have a fantastic day!!!!