12 in 12 months recap

     In December of 2012 I did a 2 mile sleigh bell run in preparation for the 5k I was planning on running New Years day. At some point in time I set a goal to run one official event every month for 12 months. I've posted along the way but I figured I'd do a recap of all 12.

December 2012 Ashley and I did the sleigh bell run in Kiel. This was a two mile event for me and the start of my 12 in 12 months.

January I did the color my new year run in Oshkosh. Ashley was very ill so I flew solo on this one. I had icicles on my eyelids when I was done but I was so proud to finish my first 5k.

February Ashley and I did the Schneelauf 5k in Elkhardt Lake. I got hit with a really bad migraine and thought I was going to throw up but I finished. (And did throw up at Parker's b-day party a few hours later)

March we did a 5k on St. Patty's Day. This was a tough one for me, I wrote a post about it and don't need to go back there.

April was the Oshkosh 5k for me and Ashley's first half marathon.

May was the Dream in Color 5k in Manitowac. I did this one with Parker, it was so fantastic crossing the finish line with him!

June Ashley and I did our first obstacle course run, the Edge the Ledge in Fond Du Lac...killer!

July was the firecracker 5k...apple pie at the finish

August was the dirty girls mid run, this was probably my favorite run of any that we did. I totally plan on doing this one again in 2014.

Septrmber's plans got changed and we didn't end up doing the run we had planned so instead I did a virtual run. The I run for Kaysen 5k was a charity run for a tiny baby in need of a heart transplant.

October me, Ashley' her son and her sister did a local run to raise awareness against bullying. I love it when the kiddos get involved! I hope Parker gets involved more this year.

And finally.....

November, number 12..... I did the great turkey run of 2013. I got this awesome medal, even though it's just for finishing and not being the fastest, I have to admit I am kind of addicted to earning medals.

So I completed my goal and even though my fitness journey got off track I didn't give up. Stay tuned people big things are coming in 2014!

It's Over!

Christmas is over! Don't get me wrong I love Christmas, but I am glad it's over. (Well almost. My sister and brother are coming over this weekend to do our own little family thing like we always do.) Every year I get all hyped up about the holidays and this perfect little picture that I have in my head of how I want things to be and how they should be. In my head things are all nice and happy and perfect. I just have this perfect family picture in my head that I've had ever since I was a little girl. Anyone that knows me knows that my family life has been totally messed up. Having a great family has always been a top priority for me. My family is quite fantastic. My immediate family is great, Brian, Parker, me and our zoo. Outside of that there is my sister and her little family, Aaron, and their two kids Aidan and Lana. I absolutely adore those two kids. Aidan has a special place in my heart because he is my first and so far only nephew. It's been amazing to watch him grow and become the person that he is today. Lana is special to me because she is so far my only niece and since Parker is a boy she is my little girl outlet. She's my little diva. She shares my love of shoes and clothes and I love that!!! I also have my brother Mike who so far doesn't have any kids, but he is still a youngin' so it's cool, and his girlfriend Hailey.

Anyway, back to this Christmas. When I was real little, there were 6 of us kids. We had a big family and big family gatherings. Growing up I always dreamt of a big family. I thought I would have 3 or 4 kids. After Parker I realized maybe the big family wasn't for me. I like to work and I like to spoil my son. If there were 4 kids, could I give them all the same amount of attention and spoiling that Parker gets? At this point the decision is easy because Brian doesn't want any children. He gets to enjoy Parker and that's enough for him and it's enough for me. Parker is all independent and stuff and to go back to having a tiny baby isn't what I want. But anyway, this makes my Christmas visions all messy. First off, Parker's dad is a giant douche and every year pulls some crap move. This year it was just simply taking him out of state without my permission and keeping him for 3 days that I was supposed to have him. It meant that instead of having him Christmas eve night and waking up here Christmas morning, I didn't get him until Christmas morning at 10am. This right there just kind of killed my Christmas mood.  I already wasn't feelin it and Brian doesn't enjoy family things. He doesn't like family gatherings, he doesn't like doing the whole gift thing, he just doesn't like it. I try to ignore that and I usually do but it gets to me. We went to my Grandma's house after getting Parker and Becky and crew came too. But it wasn't that enjoyable to me because the whole time I was sitting there thinking, man I hope Lori doesn't show up. Mike doesn't really go to our family things much and I understand it totally, but I didn't see Mike at all on Christmas. That bugs me. Once again, my perfect picture just doesn't turn out perfect and I wanna throw a fit.

After my Grandma's we went back home and Parker was super cranky as he usually is after spending a few days with his dad. He took a rest for about half and hour, then he did the presents from us. He was pretty happy with his gifts, the only thing he told me that he wanted for Christmas was the Disney infinity game, so that's what he got. Yeah, yeah he is spoiled. Oh well. After our gift opening we waited a bit then we went to Brian's parent's house and Parker did more gifts there. We visited for awhile then left there and we went to see the movie Frozen. I wanted us to do a little family activity together. I had invited Mike and Becky, but it was Christmas and they had stuff so I understood and that was fine. After the movie we ate a late supper, sat a bit, and then went to bed. Yeah, we were all in bed by like 10pm, aren't we rebels? Parker always says adults get to go to bed whenever they want, if he only knew on my days off I am in bed just about right after him.

I guess my Christmas wasn't bad, but it once again just wasn't the perfect picture that I had in my head. I am grateful for my family and thankful for everything I just feel like I am constantly searching for a way to make up for the fails of my childhood.

(ask him about his t-rex, it's awesome)

 

(told you, it's great!)

 

So, Christmas is over, and I know that New Year's hasn't hit yet, but I have set some goals. I'm not sure that I wanna talk about them a lot, but I've got some big goals for 2014. Why wait for 2014 to start? One of my biggest issues is procrastination so I'm working on that one. So after I finish up this post and put some laundry away, I am going to hit the treadmill for awhile. One of my goals is to get back into working out again. I had been doing well for a long time last year and then just stopped pretty much. Well, I'm ready to get back into it. I am hoping to include Parker a lot in it this year. I know that it's very important to teach him healthy habits for life.

 

I hope everybody had a fantastic holiday!

10 months ago

     Ten months ago I was a very different person. I didn't feel good about the way I looked, in fact I hated it. I don't often look at myself, there isn't a full length mirror in my house. In fact, I was very much in denial. Anyone who has known me a long time knows that I used to be skinnier. I mean like 100 pounds skinnier. (Kind of get a bad taste in my mouth when I say that.) How did I let it get like this?  I know how, something happened and I gained a few pounds. No worries, then life happened and a few more pounds crept on. I had so many things going on, starting with a baby that I stopped worrying about myself and started worrying just about him. Suddenly I was a single mom and it was like oh, I'm a single mom with a toddler, ain't nobody checking me out anyway. Apparently somebody was checking me out, cuz here it is almost 5 years later and we are still together! When Brain and I started dating I did lose about 30 pounds, but then of course time goes on you get comfortable together, things happen. One thing, Brian quit smoking two and a half years ago!!! Yay for him, bad for me. You see, he quit smoking and somehow I ended up gaining sympathy weight, how does that work? He gained weight too, but I don't care about that. Well, that's not true, since I have started my journey to a healthy lifestyle I do care about his weight. Not because of how he looks, I don't have complaints about that, but because I worry about his health. I know how being overweight is unhealthy. But, that is his journey and if he chooses to change that is up to him.

     Then my bestie moved back to town. She had recently taken up running and she was really loving it.  She invited me to join her, I sense that she knew the point I was at. She has never once talked about my weight, or told me that I need to lose weight. All she did was simply invite me to the track to try out running with her. Secretly I think she knew that I needed a push. I needed some direction, flat out I needed HELP! That day was tough, I could only run a few feet and was out of breath, I was embarrassed by how I looked so I was wearing way too many clothes to cover myself up. I didn't have shoes that were good for running in at all and I rubbed the backs of both heels until they bled. I remember this group of kids that were standing by the edge of the track laughing and I'm sure they  were laughing at me. I remember thinking, "I hope you appreciate your skinny bodies, I used to look like that."

   I left there that day feeling totally defeated and miserable. But for some reason  I went back the next day, alone even. Ashley was miles ahead of me in training, literally, I think she was running at least two miles by that point. Those kids were there laughing at me again, I may have cried, I can't remember. The third day I couldn't run, my shoes were so bad that it just wasn't going to happen. So that weekend Ashley and I went shopping and I bought some running shoes. This whole production was almost exactly one year ago. I can't remember how long after that it was that I set my goal. At first it was to run a 5k. Seemed like the thing to do, I need motivation, I need a goal or I will quit. If I'm not working for something, it doesn't happen. Sure losing weight and getting healthy is the main goal, but I needed something to hold me accountable. So Ashley and I decided to do the Color My New Year run in Oshkosh on New Year's Day. I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow we decided to do the Sleigh Bell Run in Kiel in December. At some point in here I knew that I needed more pushing, that one 5k in January wouldn't be enough to make me commit. I needed more. It took me a long time to get fat, it will take  a long time to lose that fat. Somewhere along the line I made the goal to run in one officially timed run every month for a year. Ashley said she would join me in the challenge.

     December's Sleigh Bell Run was my first run, which was a month before I had planned on running my first event, but it was fun! Along the way there have been runs that have been really fun and that I have enjoyed, and there have been runs that have been horrible and I've wanted to quit. But I haven't quit, I have finished every single one of them the good the bad and the ugly!!!!

      September marks my 10th month, and although it was a bit different, I still did it. You see, September's event was supposed to be the tough mudder, but as it ended up, Ashley got pregnant (Yay, I'm so excited for them to have another baby, it's about time!) and couldn't do the tough mudder. I have done runs without her before, but I wasn't willing to do that one alone, no way! So I ended up hearing about a virtual 5k that was being held for this little baby girl that needed a heart transplant. The Run for Kaysen Virtual 5k ended up being my September run, and although it was a virtual one which means I had to do it on my own, no set time or place, I still did it.

 

Since it was a virtual 5k and Ashley didn't do this one with me, you know being busy getting married and all that jazz (again, so stoked for them, really about time for that one, but they had their reasons for waiting) I had to have Parker take my "finish line" photo, but there really wasn't a finish line, so you get a nice view of part of my bedroom.

 

As I was running this and realizing that it was my 10th month of my goal it was very strange to me. I'm only 2 months away from finishing my goal and Ashley and I have our October run all scheduled for this weekend. We are doing a local run in the next town over that supports bullying prevention. I'm not sure I ever really thought that I could, or would do this. I do know one thing, if Ashley hadn't invited me to the track a year ago to just try it out, I wouldn't be where I am today. To be honest, I still need to get my eating under control, and I haven't lost all that much weight because of it. You can't out train a bad diet. But, I have changed so much. Mentally, and physically. I am stronger in both ways. I know that I can do it, and will do it. I also have a physical strength that I never had. It's no longer oh come lift this for me it's too heavy. No, it's don't worry about it I can get it no problem.

 

So ten months ago I started chipping away at this year long goal and I am now only two short months away from achieving it....it seems surreal. I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal, but for me it is. I was sure that I would give it a month or two and be done with it. Now, I am looking forward to more. I totally want to do the Dirty Girls Mud Run again next year! I have fallen off the wagon for awhile with eating and running and cross training, but I am getting back to it and it feels great!

 

Until next time, probably this weekend when I can post the finish line pics from my 11th month of my running goal, Love ya!

My loves, and life in general

Hey there blog world,

I have noticed that  many of my posts are on the downer side. Possibly because I have always used "journaling" as a way to vent. It helps me get my thoughts out so that they don't just sit there and spin around inside my head. You see, I work in a setting where it's mostly me and my thoughts all night long, and cheese, thousands of pounds of cheese every night. But I like cheese and paychecks plus they have air conditioning so it's all good, I'm not complaining.  So I've decided to mix it up and fill this whole post with some of the things I love. There are a lot f them so we will just hit on the big ones.

Of course my first love is my little man, Parker. It saddens me that he is growing up and no longer wants to hang out on my lap and sometimes he would rather hang out with Brian to do "guy stuff" rather than hang out with me. But, that's how life goes, can't keep him from growing up.

 Here he is after just getting his yellow belt in tae kwon do. He worked so hard to earn that belt, it took I think about 16 weeks. He just saw this picture and said "hey you should write that I used my sweat, blood and tears to get that belt," so here it is, he used his sweat blood and tears to get that belt. No kidding, there was sweat and some tears, it's frustrating for a 6 year old to have to wait that long to get the pay off for your hard work, but no blood. Can't even tell you how proud I am of him. I love this little guy more than anything, having him has definitely been one of my better choices in life. He is in this phase right now where he never shuts up, which drives me absolutely insane, but I guess it's payback. He may not look like me, but man he sure acts like me....oh boy!!!

Here he is after an after school trip to the ice cream shop. Cuz when it's 93 degrees out in mid September you gotta have some ice cream, you just do.

My second love would be Brian of course. That man is amazing! I don't understand why we are so good together, when you get down to it we don't make much sense, but hey, it works so I don't ask questions. As we all know, I am not fond of my ex husband, but if I hadn't met him my life would have taken another path and I wouldn't have ended up managing the Kiel mobil where I met Brian. Sometimes we have to make the wrong choices in order to end up making the right choices. Brian drives me just nuts enough to keep me happy. We look at things in very different ways, so he always has a suggestion when I am stumped. We disagree....A LOT...but that's ok. For instance, right now we are trying to remodel my living room, it's at a standstill because I want dark flooring and trim and he wants light flooring and trim....UGH!!!! But he pushes me to always be better. He was highly supportive when I wanted to go back to school a year ago.

Had to go all the way back to April to find a pic of him on my phone, he doesn't much like to be picturized. While I was on vacation last week he introduced me to some new music, and I really like it. We don't usually agree on music choices, but I have discovered some good stuff thanks to him.

And then....there's Molly! She is my first ever dog. There were like two points where we had a dog growing up, but it lasted like two weeks then my mom would get rid of them, turns out pets are work and that's not her style. Molly is the perfect addition to our family. She has so much personality and she is just like us.

Besides living things, there are a lot of things in my life that I love. One thing that I love is spending time with my family We enjoy doing things as a family, many of them outdoors. We love things like camping and going to our cabin and four-wheeling. When the weather is nice we love to be outdoors. I love being in the sunshine and fresh air. I'm no farm girl, but I love to get out to the middle of nowhere and just unplug.

So even though I may come off as mean and way serious, if you are allowed in my inner circle, you get to see fun side....like the fact that I would love to just lay in the grass and roll like Molly does! Here's to having a great day and enjoying life!!!!

Self Worth

      Most people that know me well also know that I don't think very highly of myself. Years of being told I wasn't smart enough (even though I graduated 6th in my class) or pretty enough (even though I used to be skinny and looking back, pretty good looking) have taken their toll on me. Sometimes I've let what others say to me hold me back. Sometime the opposite happens and I use it as motivation to prove them wrong.

     For almost the last year I have been on a journey to change to a healthier lifestyle. This has been really hard, as I knew it would be, and I haven't gotten quite to where I would like to be in the last year, but I only have myself to blame for that. When I committed to this journey I started eating better and gave up drinking soda. I was working out almost every day of the week, and I was seeing results. I was losing weight and I could see changes in the way my clothes fit, and I felt a lot better. I had energy and didn't feel tired all of the time. Then someone made a comment and it got to me. I looked at myself and said yeah, they are right, what's the point? I once again totally convinced myself that I wasn't worth the time it would take to get healthy again. I convinced myself that I wasn't worth anything better, and I totally flubbed an entire semester of school.

  I have struggled with this most of my life, but lately it has been really tough. I've been down on myself, I haven't been working out, I've been drinking soda like it's going out of style even though it makes my stomach hurt and makes me gag, and things have been going crappy. But, when you put in crap, what do you expect to get out other than crap? Don't get me wrong, my family is amazing. Parker is doing great, he earned his yellow belt in tae kwon do. Brian as ever is great, he has always said I don't need to change a thing, but really, he didn't know me when I was skinny, so what does he know? My family is great, and my life is great, but I am not great.

    This is what I have decided to take control of. My focus is not only going to be on my physical health, but my mental health as well. After all, my mental health is affecting my journey to physical health. Hopefully this is something I can change. Today I made the decision to get another tattoo. I have actually been toying around with the idea for some time, but didn't know if I could commit to it. After all, once it's there, it's there. I know, kind of hypocritical coming from me who totally regrets my first tattoo..... DO NOT GET A TATTOO AT YOUR KITCHEN TABLE!!!!

   I thought long and hard about this one, how committed am I to this journey that I'm on?

  So here it is, my new tattoo. I have to be committed to this journey, to myself. I haven't been committed to myself in a very long time. I have let what others have told me change me, I have spent too much time trying to please others or prove them wrong. Yes, that is blood in the picture, I took it about an hour after it was done. This is on my foot, in the same form that my flip flop straps go in. When I look down, ( I spend a lot of time looking at my feet) it will serve as my reminder that I am indeed worth it. Worth the time my physical health takes, worth the time my mental health takes, worth doing great things, worth it all.

  And here is my picture from inside the car wash. Man I wish pictures had scent-o-vision because I love the smell of the tricolor foam. When we got out of the carwash Parker said, "let's do that again" and I honestly considered it because that smell is great!

Really Chaps My Ass

      Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not little miss Suzy sunshine. I don't sugar coat things, I tell it like it is and if that offends you I'm sorry, but at least you know you are getting the real me. So today I want to share a few things that really just tick me off! Mostly just everyday things that I'm like really people, come on!

So here goes in no specific order, but I will number just to be organized:

1. Guys that wear skinny jeans, they don't look good on any guy. I know you are trying to make your feet look bigger, but it doesn't matter

2. Guys with long hair, it also doesn't look good, cut your hair.

3. Guys that can't pull up their pants, man I am really rippin' on the guys here, but really, pull up your damn pants!!!!

4. Ok, enough with the poor guys, people who come flying up to a stop sign then depend on their brakes to stop them at the last minute. Would it really be so bad to stop with plenty of time incase there happens to be an issue with your brakes?

 What's next, there are just so many things that drive me nuts on a daily basis... seems like mostly silly guy trends drive me nuts right now.

5. People that lack common sense. I can't handle it, sometimes I want to look at these people and be like what goes on up in your head?

6. Stupid people, yes this is different than people with no common sense, some people are just flat out dumb. I know that some people can't help that they aren't that bright, but I'm sorry I just can't handle it. I'm not saying that I know everything, very far from true.

7. People that start pulling into an intersection that I have not passed yet.  I really want to just stop right in front of them so that they are stuck in the road in oncoming traffic.

I think that just about does it for now, there are a lot of things that chap my ass, but too much of that in one day would just be overwhelming.

Close Quarters

  Yesterday we got back from Rock USA. It was four days of heat, sweat, a little rain, music, grilling out, festival foods, and a little drinking.....Did I mention HEAT and SWEAT????

There are a lot of things that can and will test the relationship of two people. Being in close quarters, such as those of our camper, is one of those things. Brian and I spent four days living in our camper at Rock USA. Oh yeah, with three other grown adults!! We weren't lucky enough to get an electric site, so we had to power everything  with a  generator. We could run the air conditioner, but due to campsite rules, we could only run the generator until about 1am, so by morning it was HOT! I learned  few things, it's really nice being the ones that own the camper cuz we were the only ones that got an actual bed! The couch has a built in fold out air mattress, and the table drops down to a bed as well, but still, I think those are meant for kids more so than grown adults....anywhoo....

We had filled the water tanks so we could grab a shower at least, but the original plan had been to use the porta potties since they weren't that far and Brian didn't want to have to empty the black water (or as I call it, the poop tank) Well as it turns out, I don't like porta potties, and they make me gag. After I almost tossed my cookies, Brian said we could use the bathroom in the camper. Yay, I love my man! And that shower I talked about, it was short, kinda chilly, and odd to not just leave the water run the whole time. But come on, there are only 42 gallons of water and there were 5 adults that needed to shower. I got soap in my eye, and in my mouth (and I wasn't even cussing!! Come on, isn't soap in the mouth reserved for cussing?) But man did that shower feel good!!!

The festival it self was pretty good. I don't really listen to that type of music and was really only interested in seeing two bands. The first was Godsmack, that was freaking awesome! Someone had a connection to someone that got us in the VIP section for Godsmack. The chairs were zip tied together, but it was great. I turned around and saw the huge mass of people behind the VIP fence and I was a little nervous. All it takes is one stupid drunk person to shove one other stupid drunk person and that could have gone downhill in a hurry. But everything was good, the show was so worth it, and we made it back to the campsite pretty quickly. Someone did tear out a section of decorative fence around a booth to make a shortcut, but I didn't do it so I don't feel all that bad I was just following the crowd in the general direction of the camping area. The other band I wanted to see was Road Trip, a local band that I have seen on a few occasions. Honestly I was disappointed. First of all, they played a few country songs and a few pop songs and I think 1 rock song....ummmm...hello, did we forget that it was Rock USA? Anyway, besides that they just didn't sound as good as they have in the past.

Even though I don't listen to the other bands that were at the festival, I went to see several of them. Surprisingly, I liked Twisted Sister, can't believe that I just said that. But my biggest shock was Jackyl. I actually know a few Jackyl songs and I didn't even know it. But he also put on a really good show! I was really shocked that I enjoyed it, but Brian said that I would so let's not tell him that I admitted he was right we can't have that.

Another good thing about the weekend was the fact that I didn't have to cook. I don't know how to grill good, and I didn't want to give anyone food poisoning, and I have ever been able to cook eggs, so I was relieved of cooking duties.

All in all it was a great mini-vacation. I got two books read, did a lot of relaxing, heard some good music, tried some delicious spiral spuds with nacho cheese and ranch seasoning, and had a few fried mini donuts. We all survived, and after a good, hot shower to wash off the dust and sweat I felt great.

AND then, it was back to reality....the unloading of the camper, the gathering of the zoo from various locations, and the general getting back to real lifeness aftermath of vacationing. I got a lot of things done today, and oddly enough I am kind of looking forward to getting back to work tonight. I get a lot of activity at work, according to my fitbit, at least 10,000 steps a night, and since I do "men's" work I also get to do a lot of lifting at work. I can even flex now! Not a whole lot of definition yet, but I'm getting some muscles so watch out!!!

Until next time!!!!