I want to hug the scale, then kick it

  Today is the last day of January, and I pretty much weigh myself everyday. Like for real, every. single. day. When I get up and before I go to bed. When I was in Florida for the Dopey Challenge I didn't have a scale. But I wasn't all the concerned because I knew I was burning big amounts of calories. You know what's awesome about being a distance runner? Carbs! I love carbs and for that week I loaded up on them and I didn't care. I knew what I weighed before I left, but I wasn't sure what to expect when I got home.
   So I got home, cuz obviously if I am typing this then the plane did not crash as I feared it would, and I weighed myself. Before bed, like I know you aren't supposed to do. But the scale was kind to me and told me I was down 4 pound. Pretty sweet deal, I'll take it. I was determined not to undo that 4 pound loss, so I worked really hard at watching what I ate for the next week because I knew I was not going to be working out. It was hard, giving up the carbs. I really love carbs! But, I did well and the scale loved me some more. One week later I had lost another 4 pounds. I thought the scale was playing tricks on me so I weighed myself a few times just to make sure. Sure thing, down 8 pounds since before vacation.
    The next weekend I didn't control what went into my mouth so much. It's really hard for me when my husband is around. He suggests pizza and I'm like ok I'm in. I love carbs! So by Monday I had gained back 2 of those hard lost pounds. Total sad face, but I can't be mad, I did it to myself. I knew the consequences. I have started running again, and Ashley and I are working out together 2 days a week. I like having set days to do it where I know she is waiting for me because it keeps me accountable and makes me do it. It's easy to just skip a workout when no one is bugging you to do it. So I easily dropped the 2 pound weekend gain.
    And then I stepped on the scale again...who am I kidding, I never skipped a day. That would be outrageous! And some more weight came off! So, since before I left for Disney on January 6th, I am officially down 12 pounds! I am so freaking excited, but at the same time grumpy because it is now the weekend again. I love the weekend, but, as you may have figured out, I also love carbs. I know that most people say that an obsession with the scale is a bad thing, but not for me. It keeps me on track. I hate to see that number go up, so if I monitor it on the daily, then I know what's going on. I also know that there will be fluctuations, I'm no fool. I don't freak out over a gained pound from morning to evening. I also know that if I eat carbs, I will gain weight.
   That being said, it has been a hard few weeks, I've had to plan ahead and keep crap away. I've had to watch Parker eat pizza while I enjoy a salad. I did have a few chips, and some skittles. (come on, they released a new orchard flavor pack, had to try it) but even so, managed to still lose. But now, I am sitting here on a Friday night and I WANT PIZZA AND PASTA AND BREAD like you would not believe!
  I am so close to hitting the 40 pound total weight loss mark that I can almost taste it! (It doesn't taste like shoving my face full of carbs, just incase you are wondering) But let me tell you, this battle sucks! Like big time! I wish I could just be one of those people that could eat all the things and not look like they eat all the things. Even though I can fit into jeans I haven't worn in years, and dresses that I have never been able to wear, it's not all daisies and sunshine. It's hard work and sweat and pain and going to bed craving junk food. I would love to give my scale a big hug for being kind to me and rewarding my efforts, but then I would like to kick it because I am a slave to those numbers and probably always will be.

Nap time

  From the moment my alarm clock went off this morning I was thinking about taking a nap. Like no kidding, I hit the snooze and thought, I don't have anything to do after work today, I think I will take a nap. Parker will be with his dad, Brian will be at work, I shall nap. Then I went to work and felt about the same amount of tired as normal. I got home and let the dog out, fed the kittens, and went upstairs....and didn't take a nap. Instead I grabbed my laptop and my school book and headed to the couch and got my learning on. I read a chapter for class, which made me really want to take a nap, and then got some homework done. I never did take that nap. And now it's too late. But, that's ok. I've learned I really don't need to nap. But alas, I will probably end up in bed by 8pm to watch a bit of tv before falling asleep. I will also get some sort of workout in tonight. I think I may even hit the treadmill. My knee has been feeling pretty good lately, with the exception of stairs and this side to side hop thing that Ashley and I did during our workout on Tuesday. Know what I've learned, (I'll tell ya) I've learned that the busier I am, the better I feel. Yes when I got up this morning I was tired and wanted to crawl back into bed, but I know that skipping a nap and getting in a run is going to make me feel even better.

   Speaking of feeling better, when I was on my Disney adventure, I didn't weigh myself once. I ate all the carbs, like for serious, every freaking one!  and I didn't think about it once. I came home 4 pounds lighter than when I left. Might have something to do with the 30 some miles of adventure we did while there, I don't know, just a thought, probably couldn't get away with eating that all the time and lose 4 pounds. Since I have gotten home from vacation, not only have I maintained that loss, but I have actually lost 4.5 more pounds! People, this puts me really close to the 40 pounds lost mark! I am thinking that I am going to buy myself something when I reach that goal. I haven't bought myself "gifts" so far for losing weight, but I am kinda getting to that point where it's an actual significant amount gone. (and never coming back, sorry you are no longer welcome here!)
   
    That being said, it's important for me to have things to do. The last year has been spent looking forward to the dopey  challenge. Now that it's over, I need something new. So I have been contemplating a few things and working out my plan of attack. I need events, I just do or I am not motivated. I'm a girl, I have shiny object syndrome, the bling of these events motivates me. I don't care if it's shallow, whatever, it's gotten me almost 40 pounds lighter, let's keep this going.  I guess my point here is this, if you are bored reading about my running adventures, you should probably not continue reading in the future because I really love the running and I plan on doing it a lot. (Like continuing the event every month thing)

  I bought a spiralizer and it came and I tried it out this week. IT IS AWESOME!!! I made zoodles, which are zucchini noodles, and I put it with chicken and mushrooms that I cooked in a teriyaki sauce. It was sooooo yummy!!!! The sauce actually isn't bad for you except the huge amounts of sodium, but I try not to worry about that because I don't actually add salt to food when I cook or eat. An awesome low carb dinner that I know I will be making again real soon! I also have plans to spiralize a lot more things, so watch out, spiraled veggies are coming!

   By the way, did you know that whole grain peanut butter poptarts have like 72 grams of carbs in them? I started eating them before longer runs and never looked at the nutrition facts. Well, yeah....guess that explains why they are great running fuel....and not going in my lunch box like ever again! that's almost half my daily allowance of carbs right there, not worth it! I will still probably eat them before long runs, but I get extra carbs those days so I don't think it matters.

  

That thing that I did...almost part 3

Yeah, I know, a part 3! I can't help it, a week of adventure is just too much to put into one post. By Saturday Morning we were getting to be pros at the pre race rituals. Get in van, go to Epcot, wait obscene amounts of time, then run. Saturday was the half marathon, 13.1 miles! (Not really a huge deal, I've already done 2 before) The starting area was in a different spot than before, and we had to walk 20 minutes to get there. No joke, it really was that long of a walk there. Then of course we had to wait... and wait some more.

Disney knows how to do things, even in the 2nd to last corral we got fireworks at the starting line! The energy and support at Disney is incredible! Actually, in all of Florida it was amazing! Everyone that we talked to that found out why we were there and what we were doing was so supportive and positive about it. We wore our medals while we were at Magic Kingdom and the congratulations we got were awesome! And it was only the 10k at that point. That's like a shorter run for me now. (Man I remember when I thought I wouldn't survive a 5k)

Half way point selfies! (So many selfies this week!)

Finish line photo, not a selfie, got some guy on a bench to take it for us. Thanks Ashley for sending me this one!

More selfies of me and my medal. I know I've done 2 half marathons before this, but it was still quite an accomplishment for me! Not too long ago I never would have thought that I could finish a half. I'm not saying I'm fast or anything, I'm really slow, but I will continue to work and get better and better. It's actually getting to be a distance that I enjoy doing now. Plus you almost always get a medal for doing a half so that's even more awesome!

 

After the half we didn't do a whole lot. Took a little nap, ate some food, and went to bed. I think it was like 7p.m. when and we were both asleep. Yeah, we're old, we can't party like we used to. (Who am I kidding, Ashley and I have never partied) But, we had a super early wake up, I think it was 2:45am...IN THE MORNING!!!

 

So we got up and got ready and got in the van to go to Epcot. Then we walked the 20 minutes to our starting line for the super long wait. But it was the last time so it was ok. We were smart by then, we found a spot and sat down. No need to stand for the whole time. This is the point at which I began to wonder. What the hell was I thinking? What have I gotten us into? Why am I here? But I told my brain to shut up. 26.2 miles to go and it would all be done. I would have done what I came to Disney to do. My knee was already bugging me after we finished the half on Saturday. But I figured it would be ok. It was just sore, I had never done so many miles in a weekend before. Suck it up and keep moving. I have a way of getting into my own head. But not this time, I was determined to do this. I know very well that running is a very mental thing. My first half I wanted to quit so badly. It would be so easy to just give up. No one would be surprised, I'm fat, they would expect it from me. But I pulled together everything I had and I finished that half. Then I went on to do another one and another one. So at the starting line of this full marathon, with 26.2 miles in front of me, I was ready. I was sore, but I was ready. I had a plan for staying hydrated and fueled so I had the energy. And I had Ashley. All I had to do was keep up with Ashley. We started this together, we finish this together.  Yeah, that lasted 4 miles. I couldn't keep up with her. She was going at this easy pace and not even breaking a sweat, and I was in tons of pain and exhausted. I just kept pushing myself as fast as I could and trying to ignore the pain in my knee. I kept moving and didn't stop. Through the weekend I had learned how to drink at the water stops without stopping or spilling on myself. I kept seeing the mile markers and I thought I can do this, just 17 more miles. Only 15 more miles, no big deal. I stopped at a medical tent and put some bio freeze on my knee in hopes that it would help. But it didn't. It just made my knee feel all minty fresh and tingly, but it still hurt like hell. There was a point when I remember thinking that it had hurt less to give birth to my son, and I did that with no pain killers. I was maxed out on Tylenol, I had tried the biofreeze, and I was still in so much pain. I wanted to cry, but I did not want to stop. I knew all I had to do was stay in front of the balloon ladies. Those are ladies walking with balloons and if they pass you, you can get swept up at any time and will not be allowed to finish because you were too slow. All I had to do was keep moving and not get swept. I couldn't even see the balloon ladies so I was fine. Mile 11....mile 12... mile 13 around mile 13 it started to rain. Great, rain...oh well, I'm already covered in sweat, what does it matter. At the 13 mile mark they told me and those around me that we were about 6 minutes ahead of pace. 6 minutes in front of the balloon ladies, ok, I got this. There were still a lot of people around me so I wasn't too afraid, I was keeping up with people so it was ok. But it hurt so bad. We went into Animal Kingdom and people were starting to go into the park to spend their day. They stopped to cheer us on, it was awesome! Around one of the curves I caught sight of a white tent. I knew it was a medical tent and I thought sweet, maybe they can wrap my knee up a bit, the support might help me out. I didn't have time to waste. So when I got there, I told a lady that I was having a lot of pain in the back of my knee. She said she had seen me coming towards the tent and it looked like I was in pain. I didn't have full range of motion and I couldn't put weight on it without experiencing massive amounts of pain. She told me that she highly advised me not to continue. At some point you have to accept what your body is telling you. I knew she was right. I had a lot of distance to cover yet, and at the rate I was going I would get swept up. So I had to accept defeat, and there at mile 13.9 I got on the medical bus and threw up my white flag. I wasn't the only one, the bus was pretty full. Injuries of all sorts had claimed runners. There was a guy with blood coming out of the top of his shoe, I'm pretty sure he was worse off than me.

 

But, I got me a nice ice wrap and it felt pretty good! Or it numbed the pain, whatever, it helped that's all that mattered. When we got off the bus they gave us one of those fancy race blankets made of aluminum foil and they also gave us our marathon medal. I didn't expect to get one since I hadn't finished the marathon, but they felt we deserved them. At this point I am looking at it as a half marathon medal because I did do more than a half marathon before my knee got the best of me.

 

I had a long time to wait for Ashley to finish, it turns out when I was getting my knee wrapped up she had passed mile 15 so even in my injured state I guess I was making pretty good time. I tried to get close to the finish line, but it was super packed. It rained for quite awhile so there was no dry place to sit down. I ended up waiting past the gear check tent. I had a lot of time to think. And to get angry with myself. I was so mad that I had gotten hurt. But I was even more mad that I didn't finish. I kept hearing people walk around with their medals clanking together and I'm not afraid to admit, I cried. By not finishing the marathon I didn't get the goofy challenge medal or the dopey challenge medal. I didn't do what I had come to Disney to do. I was so disappointed. I had failed. When Ashley finished I was so happy for her. But I can't lie, I was jealous. She finished, she got all 6 medals and got to go home and say she did it. I got to come home and say I failed. But, I'm fat, people expect me to fail at these kind of things. Even so, would have been nice to prove them wrong. But, I failed because of my knee, I didn't fail because I gave up. And that means something to me. There was a time not too long ago that I would have just quit and let them pick me up for being to slow. But not any more. I don't get in my own head so bad anymore.

 

This is me and the 4 medals I did earn. And that is my mt dew. It was my reward for the weekend. After we got home and I picked Parker up from school I went to buy it and I was so excited to have it. Then I took 2 small drinks out of it and dumped it out. It was nasty and it hurt my stomach. So, 30 some miles in a weekend, and I couldn't even enjoy the reward I had promised myself. Sound about right, that's how it goes.

 

Monday we flew home. Well, from Orlando to Detroit then to Milwaukee then met our ride and then were home. It was awful to come back to the cold weather, but it was worth it to give my boy a giant hug. I didn't want to let him go. But, he is at that point where it's not cool to hug mom, so I let go. He was pretty excited by my medals. He thinks I'm like a super hero or something. I tell him all the time that I'm not. That everyone gets the medals for the races not just the fastest ones. But he still thinks I am awesome. I'll take it. Tuesday I went back to work. It sucked. I couldn't walk normally my knee still hurt a ton. Today sucked pretty badly as well. I played the suck it up game and did my best to walk normally. It sucked. It hurt. I wanted to cry. But, it hurts a little less everyday so I am hopeful that it is on the mend and I will be able to run again shortly. So I did that thing that I set out to do...almost. I didn't finish it, but I also didn't quit. I'm not sure what is next in store for me, but I'm sure it will involve more running and more shiny medals. It really doesn't get old looking at them hanging on the wall. Yeah I'm egotistical like that, they all hang in my dining room. I worked hard for them, they mean a lot to me, damn right I will display them.

That thing that I did...almost part 2

 When I last left off it was Wednesday and we had picked up our race bibs and packets. The bibs were pretty awesome, they had our names on them and everything. How cool is that?

Thursday we had to get up bright and early. Well not bright because it was still quite dark out. We woke up to a wind chill advisory. What the heck does a wind chill advisory mean in Florida? I'm from Wisconsin born and raised, to me that means -10 degrees or more. Apparently in Florida it means about 42 degrees. Not bad right? WRONG!! It doesn't seem bad until you are standing outside in it for 2 and a half hours IN RUNNING CLOTHES! We. Were. Cold! and pretty miserable. With the event being so big they had us get there really early, and we were in the last corral so after the first runners started it was about another 45 minutes before we even got to start. No kidding, they were finishing the 5k before we even started it.

 

We finished the whole 5k and we were still cold. We had planned on going to Magic Kingdom afterwards because it was the shortest run, but it was just too cold out. Yeah I know, we are from Wisconsin, it wasn't that bad, but it was.  So we enjoyed the hot tub and went to bed.

 

Friday was the 10k, again no big deal, only 6.2 miles. So we did that, and then we went to Magic Kingdom. The run ended at Epcot so we took 2 different monorails to get into Magic Kingdom. Like I said before, I've never been to Disney World before so I was pretty excited.

 

The very first ride we decided to go on was Peter Pan's Flight. There was no wait so we were like bring it on! Of course, the ride had a problem while we were on it, and the whole thing stopped! We were left hanging in the air, in the pitch black! But they got it going pretty quickly again and everything was all fine and dandy. We went on a few more rides, including an actual roller coaster.

Here is us (and our medals) on Big Thunder Mountain.

 

And here is a picture I got of Princess Jasmine, cuz she is my favorite!

 

And more selfies of me and my medal! I know it was only a 10k, but it's all about the bling!

That thing that I did...almost part 1

 Remember how I have gone on and on and on about the Dopey Challenge? Well the time finally came, and I did it....almost. I'll get to that, but first you have to go through all the boring details. Sorry that's life, deal with it.

So my excitement and nervousness has been steadily building for a long time about this adventure. There were going to be a lot of firsts for me on this trip. First time in a commercial airplane, first time to Florida, first time to Disney World, first marathon......so there I was the night before we were leaving and I finally decide to pack my things. No big deal, I had a list made of the important things I couldn't forget. I borrowed some luggage from my brother, glad I did because the duffel bag I was going to use would not have cut it! I finally finished packing about 10p.m. and headed to bed. In the morning I got up and showered and did what any normal person would do, I wrote an "In case the plane crashes and I die" letter. Totally normal right? Whatev, don't judge, it could happen and if it did I wanted to be prepared. Then I woke up Brian and we were off.

Brian delivered us to the airport safely, and since our flight got moved back a few times, we were plenty early. I've never been in an airport before, so I am glad that we were in Milwaukee because it was small. Ashley is a pro at these things so she got us all taken care of. We had a bite to eat and went through security. Enter the beginning of the adventure. I had read all the lists, I had my luggage all packed accordingly so there was nothing in my carryon that shouldn't be. I wasn't wearing a belt and I had no pockets to hide things in. I wasn't wearing baggy clothing, I was perfect.....except, I apparently didn't get the memo that putting your hair in a bun makes you suspicious! So I immediately got the pat down! No biggy, they are just there for our safety so it's cool. But at the time I was like what makes me so suspicious? I didn't get it until she said that she was going to feel my hair. I mean really, I don't have nice hair or anything, why do you want to feel it? Anywhoo, after security we waited... and waited some more. That was fine, gave me a chance to get all nervous and shit, you know, plane crashing and what not. I was prepared for entering the plane, my 7 year old filled me in on that. (Yep, he is a more seasoned traveler than I am. Although he did try to convince me the plane was going to Maine not Florida)

SO we get on the plane and Ashley is by the window and I continue to get more freaked out. For a minute I considered totally losing it so they would yank me off the plane, but getting thrown in airport jail didn't seem like a better option. So I kept telling myself that the pilots knew what they were doing and we would be fine.  The plane started to move and I panicked a bit, but we weren't even taking off yet so I calmed down. We got all lined up and started going real fast down the runway and Ashley is all like sweet I love the take off, and I'm all like OMG we are going to die! But the plane took off and I continued to freak out inside my head. I quickly learned that as long as I could see out the window I was ok. So I spent most of the flight sitting awkwardly so that I could see outside. Apparently I get claustrophobic, which I already knew but I didn't realize that it applied to airplanes as well. The flight from Milwaukee to Atlanta was ok, it was our longest flight but was pretty uneventful.

Ashley navigated us through the airport in Atlanta, we got to ride a train (I think it was more like a subway, but they call it a train so whatever we will go with that then) and we made it to our next gate and waited a bit before getting on our second plane. This time Ashley and I weren't seated together, but she was right in front of me so it was ok. I had a window seat so I was excited, except it was directly on the wing.

 

 Did you know the wing does this wobbling thing while you are flying? It's kind of freaky when you are already convinced that you are going to die in a plane crash. But I told myself it was normal, I mean hello, dangle anything like that in high winds and it will wobble. Logic made sense here so I just tried to enjoy the scenery. It is something amazing to be above the clouds.

 

The lights at night as we came into Orlando were absolutely incredible! And there is that wing again, still attached to the plane. From the airport we took a shuttle to our hotel, which was actually close to an hour from the airport, I didn't realize it was that far but I guess hello, can't put an airport right in the city duh! We got checked into the hotel, threw our bags in our room and went for some Ihop. Yup, across the country on a big adventure and we go to Ihop, that's how we roll and it was delicious! When we got back to the room I discovered that my luggage had also been subject to search by the tsa. Apparently I am a rather suspicious person. But, all my underpants were brand new so it's all good, nothing interesting in there, search away. Thanks little bro for giving me luggage with a million pockets in which to conceal dangerous items.

 

Wednesday we had to get our race bibs and packets so we figured out how to get to our destination. We had 2 options, pay a taxi to take us directly there, or take a very roundabout way that took 2 hours to essentially go a mile from our hotel but was free....of course we chose the roundabout way, we had all day anyway. So we got on a shuttle bus outside our hotel that took us to Magic Kingdom. From there we took a ferry across the lake to the Magic Kingdom entrance.

Picture from said ferry.

 

After we got off the ferry we got on a bus that took us to the Pop Century hotel. Guess what, on the way we went back out the exact way we had come in..aye aye aye. We got off the bus and onto another bus that took us to where we needed to be. On the way back we just paid a taxi, why not get all forms of public transportation in one day right? First time in an actual taxi cab there. Had one of those meters and everything.

 

 

Reflections and resolutions

 So 2014 has escaped us and we are now into 2015. As the year came to a close I spent some time thinking about my year. I have to say that 2014 was a year of big change for me. There were highs and lows, but I feel like this year sped by me and I can't believe that it's gone already.

  In 2014 I ran my first half marathon. This is something that not too long ago I never would have thought I would be doing. It was hard and I learned some lessons about proper fuel and hydration. But, I did it and I finished it. I also went on to run another half marathon. So, I went from thinking it was nuts to even think I could do it to actually doing it. I learned that if I put my mind to it and put in the effort to get there, I can do these things. I currently am just a few days away from completing my first marathon. (Also to be noted that I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth!)

  2014 Brought its share of sorrow. In July my husband lost his mother. This was very tough on me as I had grown rather close to her in the years that my husband and I have been together. Even when we were told that it was just a matter of days, I don't think I really believed that it was actually the end for her. I really think there was a part of me that actually thought she would pull through and make it and still be here with us. The whole thing really got my husband and I thinking about our lives and how prepared we are or are not in the event that something should happen to one of us. We have definitely looked at some things differently now.

   Following my mother in law's death there was another death in my husband's family, and 2 short weeks later my Uncle died. This was unexpected and he was way too young. Once again showing us that you can't count on tomorrow.

 Parker continued to grow and amaze me in 2014. I am so proud of the boy that he is becoming. He continues to excel in reading, he is now reading at an upper 5th grade level in the 2nd grade. He doesn't enjoy art and writing, but you can't win 'em all. I also don't like art so I don't blame him. He is getting involved in team sports now and starting to figure out who he is. It's so rewarding to see him grow and his personality develop.

  Brian and I celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary this year. I can't believe we have been married a year already. Time is really flying! We got to meet our new baby niece, also Brian's goddaughter, which is always exciting!

   As the year came to a close I began to think about my goals for 2015. Goals, resolutions, pretty much the same. My first goal obviously is to complete the Dopey Challenge at Disney World. This is set to go down in less than a week. Ashley and I actually leave for Disney World in less than 2 days. At this point I am not so much worried about the running, I am worried about the plane ride.  I have never been on a big plane, I've never been in an airport at all. I have been in a small four passenger plane, but I can't imagine they are the same at all. So I guess I will get past the plane worries and then I can deal with the nervousness about the upcoming endevour.

 After the Dopey Challenge I have set some other goals for myself for 2015. I have already lost 30 pounds in 2014 and I plan to lose a lot more in 2015. I have one particular dress that I want to fit into. It's pretty close right now, but not there yet. I have a long way to go in my journey but I know that it takes time to get there and I will do it. I plan on continuing my running in 2015. Since I will have a marathon under my belt in a few days, I'm not sure if I will do anything completely new in that area,but I do plan on working on improving and getting better and better.  I hope to finally get my first college degree....way behind schedule, but life happens...

   We hope to own a farm in the near future, beef cattle, chickens, maybe a few pigs, and one heck of a garden, so our big goal in 2015 is to hopefully make that start to happen.

To end my reflections, a quick photo dump from when we went to a botanical garden light display recently. Parker, me, my brother, and his girlfriend went. It was new to all of us and even though Parker wasn't feeling very well, he was a trooper and didn't complain very much. I'm easily distracted by shiny things so I love looking at lights! They had some pretty cool displays.

 

 I love the little turtle in this last picture!!!

Next time you hear from me I will be a Dopey Challenge finisher decked out with 6 shiny medals!!!