Happy Friday!!!

It's mid January in Wisconsin, and it's 40 degrees outside and it rained out yesterday.....Can't say that I am sad because that would be a lie, but really, we all know that it's not going to last and that does make me sad.

Anyway, now that I have finished talking about the weather like I am some 80 year old..... This week has been ok. Except for at some point I realized that classes start again next week already. I don't know why but for some reason I thought I had like 2 weeks left. Oh well I guess. In a way I am excited, but it really is a lot of pressure. I am 2/3 of the way done with my first degree, and wouldn't you know it, these classes keep getting harder and more time consuming. Who would have thought? I am worried though because I have gotten into a fairly decent routine of working out and with school starting again I am worried that I will give up my workout time for school time. I did suffer from the classic "mommy guilt" for awhile, but I don't anymore. If I do a workout dvd Parker will usually watch me and when I run it is usually when Parker is at school so my working out doesn't really take time away from him, but I admit sometimes my homework does. we will sit down to watch a movie together and I will be working on homework and I know I am not paying full attention to him. But, I have come to learn that I don't need to feel guilty about it. Everything I do is to make my life better and thereby make his life better too. My going to school will hopefully provide me with a satisfying career where I will hopefully make more money. My working out is making me a healthier person which will ensure that I am around for him for a long time. I also hope that it will teach him good habits and make sure he leads a healthy lifestyle, a task I am having to learn at 26. I wish it had been instilled in me my whole life, but it wasn't and I can't change the past, but I can affect my son's future.

I wish that Brian would want to workout with me, he has made comments about wanting to lose some weight, but he hasn't had his moment yet so I don't push him. I know that I had to have my "aha" moment before I was finally ready to begin my journey to becoming healthy. I also don't say anything because a lot of his weight came from when he quit smoking. I am so proud that he gave it up cold turkey and it's been almost 2 years already. He has amazing will power!

I have been doing some Jillian Michaels workout dvds and while they are easy because she doesn't do complicated moves or move at an insane pace, they are kicking my a$$. Quite literally I must say. My tushie and thighs are in some big time pain right now. It hurts to sit down, it hurts to climb stairs, but it is a good hurt and I like it. Well, not really like it, but I like knowing that the hard workout that I am doing is hopefully paying off.

I am however having a struggle with food. I have given up my biggest calorie demon, the Mt. Dew, but I still eat plenty of things that I shouldn't. It's hard to eat healthy when the other person you are cooking for doesn't care for healthy things. I don't feel like making two different meals, so I end up eating things that are packed with calories and I have been struggling to lose weight lately. Don't get me wrong, I really like the calorie packed food, but as Jillian says, "you want results that don't come for free." So one of my goals for next week is to eat a lot better. I have been trying to plan better so that I have a healthy lunch for work instead of a gas station burrito. It sucks that this is the time of year when fresh fruits and veggies are super expensive, but what's better, going cheap and eating crap or spending the extra money and eating healthy? I think the choice here is pretty obvious..... I am also thinking about starting to try calorie counting. I did have success with using a weight watchers app two summers ago, and I know that I am going to be awful at calorie counting, but I think it would be helpful to once again see just what I am putting into my body. I have also been learning from an amazing group of 7,000+ ladies that are on the same journey as me, that when you start working out, there is actually a point where you need to eat more calories in order to keep losing weight.

My work winter party is in like 2 weeks and I was hoping to have lost more weight so that I could justify buying a new outfit, but sadly, I cannot say that I have. The shirts that I own still fit fine and while it's disappointing I am trying not to dwell on it because I know if I put too much pressure on myself it will just backfire. So, I am going to just keep working hard and trying to improve. One of these days I will make it through the entire Jillian workout without ending up laying on the floor trying to breathe and just rest a minute.

To add to the chaos, but in a totally great way, my custody arrangment may be changing soon. Instead of having Parker everyother week, I would essentially have him every day and his father would have him evey night and then we will alternate weekends. This is the recommendation from the gaurdian ad litem, the judge has not responded to it yet. I am happy and worried about this at the same time. I am super happy because of course I want to see my son every day, going a whole week without seeing him pretty much sucks. But at the same time, I only get 4 hours of sleep a day and when he is at his father's I try to sneak a little more, I even got 6 hours one day this week!!!! I am adjusted to this and it doesn't bother me, but with having him every day I don't want to be tired or worn out when I have him. My school schedule is a little more demanding this semester, I have two online classes and one on campus. The on campus one starts 2 hours after work so I have to hang around two hours then go to class so I won't be getting home until almost noon on three days a week. Well, when you usually sleep from 9am until noon, I guess there goes all of my sleep time on those three days....I knew that going back to school was going to be tough and I'm not complaining or at least that's not my intention, but dang....these next 4 months are going to suck. But really, what is 4 months in the grand scheme of things? Just suck it up and do it!!!!

Well, I guess this is pretty long already and there is this little person that calls me mom a lot that has taken a break from his wii game to inform me that he is ready for supper....guess I should start making it then huh?

Until next time,

Keep the sanity!