Close Quarters

  Yesterday we got back from Rock USA. It was four days of heat, sweat, a little rain, music, grilling out, festival foods, and a little drinking.....Did I mention HEAT and SWEAT????

There are a lot of things that can and will test the relationship of two people. Being in close quarters, such as those of our camper, is one of those things. Brian and I spent four days living in our camper at Rock USA. Oh yeah, with three other grown adults!! We weren't lucky enough to get an electric site, so we had to power everything  with a  generator. We could run the air conditioner, but due to campsite rules, we could only run the generator until about 1am, so by morning it was HOT! I learned  few things, it's really nice being the ones that own the camper cuz we were the only ones that got an actual bed! The couch has a built in fold out air mattress, and the table drops down to a bed as well, but still, I think those are meant for kids more so than grown adults....anywhoo....

We had filled the water tanks so we could grab a shower at least, but the original plan had been to use the porta potties since they weren't that far and Brian didn't want to have to empty the black water (or as I call it, the poop tank) Well as it turns out, I don't like porta potties, and they make me gag. After I almost tossed my cookies, Brian said we could use the bathroom in the camper. Yay, I love my man! And that shower I talked about, it was short, kinda chilly, and odd to not just leave the water run the whole time. But come on, there are only 42 gallons of water and there were 5 adults that needed to shower. I got soap in my eye, and in my mouth (and I wasn't even cussing!! Come on, isn't soap in the mouth reserved for cussing?) But man did that shower feel good!!!

The festival it self was pretty good. I don't really listen to that type of music and was really only interested in seeing two bands. The first was Godsmack, that was freaking awesome! Someone had a connection to someone that got us in the VIP section for Godsmack. The chairs were zip tied together, but it was great. I turned around and saw the huge mass of people behind the VIP fence and I was a little nervous. All it takes is one stupid drunk person to shove one other stupid drunk person and that could have gone downhill in a hurry. But everything was good, the show was so worth it, and we made it back to the campsite pretty quickly. Someone did tear out a section of decorative fence around a booth to make a shortcut, but I didn't do it so I don't feel all that bad I was just following the crowd in the general direction of the camping area. The other band I wanted to see was Road Trip, a local band that I have seen on a few occasions. Honestly I was disappointed. First of all, they played a few country songs and a few pop songs and I think 1 rock song....ummmm...hello, did we forget that it was Rock USA? Anyway, besides that they just didn't sound as good as they have in the past.

Even though I don't listen to the other bands that were at the festival, I went to see several of them. Surprisingly, I liked Twisted Sister, can't believe that I just said that. But my biggest shock was Jackyl. I actually know a few Jackyl songs and I didn't even know it. But he also put on a really good show! I was really shocked that I enjoyed it, but Brian said that I would so let's not tell him that I admitted he was right we can't have that.

Another good thing about the weekend was the fact that I didn't have to cook. I don't know how to grill good, and I didn't want to give anyone food poisoning, and I have ever been able to cook eggs, so I was relieved of cooking duties.

All in all it was a great mini-vacation. I got two books read, did a lot of relaxing, heard some good music, tried some delicious spiral spuds with nacho cheese and ranch seasoning, and had a few fried mini donuts. We all survived, and after a good, hot shower to wash off the dust and sweat I felt great.

AND then, it was back to reality....the unloading of the camper, the gathering of the zoo from various locations, and the general getting back to real lifeness aftermath of vacationing. I got a lot of things done today, and oddly enough I am kind of looking forward to getting back to work tonight. I get a lot of activity at work, according to my fitbit, at least 10,000 steps a night, and since I do "men's" work I also get to do a lot of lifting at work. I can even flex now! Not a whole lot of definition yet, but I'm getting some muscles so watch out!!!

Until next time!!!!

Edge the Ledge

  I don't  know how well known this is, but awhile back I set  a goal for myself to complete one organized running event every month for a year. I was planning on starting this adventure on January first with the Color My New Year run in Oshkosh. However, I am impatient and decided to start a month early with a local 2 mile run in Kiel in December. As it turns out, that would be the warmest run I would do until May. Crazy isn't it, the weather was nicer in December than it was in April for the run that Ashley and I did? Well, that's Wisconsin!

Yesterday was our run for the month of June. We did the Edge the Ledge mud run in Fond Du Lac. This was the first obstacle course run that we have done. It strays a bit from the normal runs we do where you get out, run and try to run as fast as you can. This one had 10 obstacles strewn about the 3 mile course. And people, this ain't no joke!!! This run was advertised as being "fun".....yeah, that's not what I was thinking as I was climbing the edge that was pure mud with some dangling ropes to pull yourself up.

But seriously, I have bruises, cuts, my knee hurts like a mother, and this morning I feel like I have been hit by a truck, but I can't lie, it was FUN!!!! Would I do it again, heck yes! In fact, I have already contemplated coming back for this same one next year when it hopefully won't kick my ass as badly.

And I am trying to put some pictures in here but everytime I try to upload the internet stops working!!! I will get them up as soon as I can....

So the run started and we started at a typical starting pace. It was about 27 seconds before we hit the mud. I tried to keep pace, but then I decided if I did I was going to fall/break my ankle/ look like a fool.  before that goodness ended we hit our first obstacle. It was pretty simple, climb some barricades. The metal fence kind they have at amusement parks to guide the long lines you have to wait in. I can't remember how many there were, I remember commenting that 4 would have been enough, but there were more than that. then there was a short distance and we hit our next obstacle. the Louisiana Bayou. to get into this one we had to go down this little slope, but being that we were the 4th wave to go it was completely smooth and pretty clear to us the way to go was the butt slide. First taste of mud, a dirty butt. then it was into the swampy water with some boards floating. To get out of the little swamp was a bit challenging, grab some trees and try to find a foothole. Like I said, we were the 4th wave of people so things were pretty torn up already. I can't remember the exact order of things after this, so it will be a little jumbled. There was a lot of slipping, sliding, and from me, falling. I can't count how many times I fell down, but it was a few and I think I get the most times falling award. We had to run through tires that were filled with mud and water. Thus far, things weren't so bad. We had to wade through a river (maybe a river I'm not sure) and then wade under this bridge. It was a little cold, but still nothing bad.  Hmmm...can't remember what was next exactly... more running, or trying to move quickly down mudhills and such during which I fell again. But after that fall I got up and got moving and saved myself from falling again with some pretty awesome balance moves  and a lot of flailing and arm waving.....it probably looked ridiculous but I didn't fall! We had to go through the river again, there was a guy to help us jump in, and a guy that was warning us of the giant rock that we had to step over to get into the culvert to get out of the river....yep, guy to warn us about the giant rock and I still managed to bash my bad knee on it pretty hard.

I wanted to sit down and cry, but my out of shapeness was already slowing us down a lot. Not long after the knee bashing I kind of felt a little dizzy and then the headache set in. I knew it was going to be a great one, I could feel it in my eyes and that part of my head right above the neck...oh joy, a migraine! I came prepared this time, I had my migraine meds in my bag in the car...awesome, let's get this done so I can get to my drugs....unfortunately we were still in the easy stuff. After the knee bashing we still had to jump haybales, not really too bad, and go over balance beams, again not the worst. Then there was the climbing wall. It was just some boards nailed together, green on the way up, yellow on the other side to go down. This was harder than I thought. Getting to the top was easy enough but getting over the top was a little harder. But I did it, and I didn't fall off the top and break my neck (which is what went through my mind when I was trying to get over the top.)At some point there was a hill that we had to inch worm down backwards, tough on the arm muscles, sweat dripped into my eyes burned like hell, and with my pounding head, a little but uncomfortable. There was also some ropes we had to go under, and a gorilla walk which was a fallen tree that we had to cross. And the love tent, I'm not sure where the name comes from, but it wasn't that bad.  There were monkey bars, of which I fell off of into the hay below. (was that 5 falls, 6, I can't remember) After the monkey bars we had to wait in line a bit to go down slip and slide. Face first was the way to go, superman style, so of course I get up there, trip in the mud right before the tarp, and land on my butt....so I went with it, I pulled my knees up and slid....and then slid some more. Apparently this fat girl can slide, I went pass the tarp like all the skinny people did and landed in the grassy, muddy, pit at the end and slip through that to the next obstacle. The mud pit...this wasn't bad, just crawl through the mud under the little flags that were hanging a few inches above.

This was the bitch part....the edge....thus the name of the run. this was a steep hill that is clearly not meant to be climbed, but heck why not. I mean after all, they tied some ropes at the top to help us pull ourselves up.  This was ok until I was about 5 feet from the top. the people behind were pulling the rope higher and I lost my grip and I fell. (yes, again, I fell again) and slid a few feet back down the hill. the people behind me moved forward and I couldn't really jump back into my spot on the rope. I decided to go off the beaten path, and moved off to the side and found a small tree to grab and worked my way up to the top where my most amazing best friend grabbed my hand and pulled me over the edge. I took a ten second breather at the top then we carried on. At this point I really thought I might pass out, and my knee hurt worse than it has in a long time, but I knew we were so close to the end. We walked under the witches den, then down the Russian split, and there it was. Gladiator's Hill. The end, all I had to do was make it past the galadiators and that was it. But the hill was muddy, and my vision was starting to get fuzzy, and my knee, well, could it hurt any worse? But I was so close, and Ashley was already past the gladiators. So I tried to stay close to the person in front of me and hopefully sneak by the gladiators because to be honest if they had hit me with their giant q-tip things I probably would have fallen to the bottom again and just stayed there. But, as luck would have it, one of the gladiators dropped his giant q-tip thingy and the other one tried to help him grab it and I had a path and I took it. And that was it. I was done. I handed over my timer, and went to the buckets to wash up a bit. And I didn't pass out!

We headed back to the car, took our finishing photos, and changed into some less muddy clothing. I got my migraine medication, and got to sit down for the drive home.  After a good long shower and much scrubbing to get off the dried mud, I started to think. Here is what I realized,

1. I am not a trail runner, I have great respect for those who do, but I am not good at it.
2. I can do things. I am a quitter by nature, always have been....but with Ashley with me and pushing me, I finished the whole mud run. I fell off the monkey bars so I didn't really finish them, but I did every obstacle!!! A year ago I never would have done this. And if I did sign up and start, I would have quit. I would have let the pain get to me and I would have left the course and just walked back to the end. But, I finished, I did the whole thing, and I am glad.

So, overall, I am glad that I did the mud run. I learned that I can do these things. I feel miserable today, but I had a piece of my nephew's birthday cake yesterday and I didn't feel guilty at all, I earned that cake!! If I push myself I can do things I never thought possible. I am capable of things that I used to just say I couldn't do. It has been good motivation to continue onward and to see what else I can accomplish.

So, as an endnote, I will not give up I will not quit, I will continue to challenge myself and to see what else I can do. I may or may not have revealed a challenge I have set for myself to Ashley this weekend....she seemed to think it was a fun idea....it's awhile off so I have time to prepare and feel comfortable with this.  Too soon to make it known to everyone, but as soon as I am fully committed to this new challenge I will tell....

Until then, tough mudder, here we come!!!!


(p.s. pictures still won't upload, so I will have to put them up another day...)

Journey my ass, this is a war!

           At this point most people are aware that  I am on a small journey in my life. It's a journey to a healthy lifestyle. Of course the first goal is to lose weight, but in losing weight I am trying to get into a healthy lifestyle. I want to live a long and healthy life and see my son grow up. I also want my son to grow up learning a healthy life style so that when he is out on his own one day it is natural for him.

      But let's get real here, I want to lose weight! People, I want to get back the body I used to have. I didn't appreciate it then, and clearly I didn't deserve it. But now I am taking this sh*t seriously and I want what I used to have. In saying this, I have learned some things.

.....first off, when I say "journey", this makes it sound like something fun and exciting...that's total bullsh*t!!!!! This is not fun, this is not exciting, this is not anything good! This is a war, it ain't no journey!

Secondly, this war involves a lot of sacrifice. Everyday I have to make choices. I have to choose if I am going to eat the food that I love or the food that is going to get me what I want. Folks, these two things are not the same, not even close. Everyday I have to choose between relaxing or getting off my ass and moving. I have to choose between social outings and working out. Last weekend was the perfect example. Memorial Day weekend, it's a time for remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice protecting our country. But for most people this means cook outs and drinking and sitting around a fire drinking some more. Going to concerts, eating more junk, drinking more, and I don't mean water, and eating still more crap....Not for me this year! I am happy to announce that I put my booty to work.....

Brian and I put in a fire pit over the weekend....

See those stones around the outside, they weigh 42 pounds a piece. I moved them from the pallet to the shopping cart, then from the cart to the back of my truck, then from the truck into the lawn cart, drove the lawn cart down the hill then moved the stones from the cart to the lawn. See the little stones there, they came in bags that were 50lbs a piece I think. I moved those just as many times. See that ring there? It weighs 64lbs. I moved that too. So, I got my lifting workout in. I also dug about half the hole for the pit. Last year we put in a wall and cement slab for our garden shed, and I couldn't even lift the bags of concrete. No kidding people, I could not pick them up! Now I move this stuff around like nobody's business.

 

Besides helping with all the heavy lifting for our new fire pit, I passed up getting ice cream to go on a 7.5 mile bike ride. I haven't ridden my bike since Parker was just a tiny infant. I decided to get out and ride a little bit, and figured I would just go a mile or two. I figured when I didn't want to ride anymore I would be done. But I just kept going. Before I knew it I had gone over 7 miles and it felt pretty great.

 

On Monday my bestie and I got out and did some hiking. While most people were out at parties and cook outs and things that involve a lot of junk food and drinking, Ashley and I were out hiking. We went to a new place to do some exploring, and I think we are going to end up going back there with the kiddos. We went to Maribel Caves county park, it was pretty great.

 

   So yes, this journey/war SUCKS!!! And I hate that I don't see results every day. I hate that I can't indulge even a little without paying for it. I have a lot of anger and resentment for this war, and the sad part is that I know that it will never be over. I know that even when I have lost the weight, I can't drop my guard. If I let my guard down for even a minute I will start the backslide back to where I am now. It's totally depressing and sometimes overwhelming and makes me want to just quit and resign myself to a life of obesity and unhealthiness. But then, when I really get down to it and think about what I've done I realize a few things. I like to be active. I like running, I like hot yoga, I like hiking, and I like healthy food. Unfortunately I also like junk food and sitting down to watch a good movie.  So even though this war sucks and it will never be over, I will not surrender. I love running and chasing my son, and I want to teach him good habits and I want him to have a healthy life. It makes it all worth it. I will fight this war forever and  I will prevail.

   I know that I love junk food because it's addictive, and eventually I will kick this addiction. Eventually I won't be so mad that everyone else is pigging out and I'm sitting back eating my veggies. Eventually, but not today.....today I am fighting the urge to get a large cookie dough bizzard and eat the whole damn thing.

   Until next time, wish me some will power cuz I need it!

Let's try this again....

I must admit, I fell off the fitness wagon for awhile. It started with a 5k where I came in 2nd to last place. Then the next month there was a 5k where I got passed by speed walkers.....So I got all pissed off and just gave up for awhile. I was still active, but wasn't very focused. I didn't workout 5 days a week, or even 3 days a week for awhile. I wasn't watching what I shoved in my face, and in a few weeks it showed. The jeans that I was so proud to wear again were suddenly getting tighter when they had been pretty loose. I had broken my habit of getting on the scale obsessively, and it sucked. When I did get back on the scale after a few weeks of half-assing it, I was pretty upset, but not all that shocked. I knew I deserved what I got. I had gained back 7 of the pounds I had worked so hard to lose.

I was pissed and sad, and the whole gambit of emotions, but it was enough to kick me in the ass. I pulled out my mini-goal jeans and vowed to get back on track...again. I thought about how much I love my new found activities. I have noticed that since I fell off the wagon my energy level stunk, I was tired and crabby almost all the time, all the things that had made me unhappy before. So in the last week I have been getting back into my routine. I have restarted C25K and I have gotten back into working out.

I'm back on the wagon folks!!!

In the last week since I have rejoined the fitness wagon I can proudly say as of this morning I have relost the 7 pounds that I regained during my extended pity party! I know that losing 7 pounds every week isn't going to happen. I get it, this journey sucks and it's going to suck for a long time. I LOVE FOOD!!! That's what got me into this mess, I never thought about what I was putting into my body. It tasted good so I ate it. I have a huge food addiction that I know is going to cause me some setbacks. But, I will not quit. I deserve it, my son deserves it, and I will do it. I want Parker to grow up learning healthy habits to hopefully spare him from having to start the same journey when he is an adult.

Yesterday my bestie Ashley proved once again how amazing she is. I had mentioned the day before that I was considering buying a fit bit flex. But, they are in huge demand and are out of stock and on back order everywhere. Her fiancée told me that there isn't a Best Buy in the entire state that has one. Well, anyone that knows Dr. Ashley knows that silly things like that won't stop her. She had one on backorder on Amazon, but just couldn't wait any longer. She managed to find a store that had some and grabbed us each one!!!! So I set it up yesterday and plugged it in to charge while I was at work. When I got home this morning I put it on right away. I have been exploring the way it tracks, and what it can keep track of, and after Parker has tae kwon do tonight, I am going to do my C25K and we will see how it tracks that. I am super excited. I know that being my size any diet changes I make right now will result in a weight loss. But, I also know that the more active I become and the more I workout that I will need to start keeping track.

This journey is about getting a healthy lifestyle, not just losing weight. Yes of course that is the main goal, but I want  to do it in a healthy way. I need to be aware of the calories I am eating as well as the calories I am burning. It's not healthy to have  calorie deficit that is too big. I don't want to starve my body, I want to fuel my body. I have learned so many things since I started my journey. I know that I have a long way to go and it's not going to happen overnight, but I also know that's how it has to be. There is no quick fix for a lifestyle change.

That said, I will stumble, I will fall, but I will get back up , dust myself off and do it again. As my journey marches forward I look forward to all the new adventures that lay ahead of me. The first of which comes at the end of June. The run of choice for June is going to be our first obstacle course run. I am both excited and scared. It's only a 3 mile course, so it won't be nearly as bad as tough mudder, however, it will hopefully be a good gauge of where I am at compared to where I need to be to not die during tough mudder.

Until next time!!

Sunshine!!!

Hey people, the sunshine has arrived!!!! And let me tell you that I have been enjoying it every day. This is awesome, but by the end of the day I am worn out, apparently sunshine makes you sleepy! Probably has something to do with all the activity that goes with it, but I don't care I am loving it!

This weekend was a totally awesome weekend! It started right after work Saturday morning. I drove straight to Manitowac to participate in a color run with my bestie, her little man, my beastie's sister and her boyfriend, and my little man. Parker has been telling me for a long time that he wants to run with me and this seemed like the perfect chance. Ashley rocked her half marathon a short time ago, but her knee is bugging her and she needs to take it easy for awhile, so inviting our little ones to "run" with us was a double win for us.

This is us after we crossed the finish line. Sorry it's a little hazy, that's actually orange paint powder that got over the lens of my phone camera. I also have the traditional finish line photo of Ashley and I of course. It's hard to believe that I am half-way through my goal of completing one run every month for a year. This run wasn't so much of a run, Parker started out running and we finished running and walked inbetween. I am so proud of that little man! I forgot how long a5k is for such little legs, but he never stopped moving once! He kept saying "I can't do it" but I kept telling him he could do it. When we were almost finished he finally said "Maybe I can do this." And of course he did it, I knew he would! I love him and I can say I am proud of him a million times, but I can't express how much that boy amazes me. He is going to do great things.

 

After we finished the run we got some lunch then we headed home. We rested a bit, actually we both ended up taking a nap. I hadn't slept from work the night before and Parker was just beat. After our nap he and I went to Scoops for some ice cream. I had promised Parker that if he finished the whole 5k we would go for some ice cream. I know that food especially junk food should not be the reward for activities, that's what leads down the bad path I was on, but really, we don't go for ice cream often. After ice cream we got some things to make supper, rented a movie, and headed home to enjoy our night. Brian was up at our cabin with his brothers for the night so it was just Parker and I for most of the weekend.

 

Sunday when Parker woke up he came in by me and he was a bit sad, and he said "Pretty much I just miss Brian." He really does adore Brian which is awesome, but I was all like, aren't I cool enough to spend more time with? Sunday we went to the playground to play and we packed a picnic o take along. Our adventure was pretty awesome, some ducks flew into the park and were floating in the river. Then they came up onto the bank near us and took a nap. We sat in a swing and watched them for a while and ate our picnic and played on the playground. It was really just a fantastic day!

If you look closely at the edge of the grass near the tree you can see the ducks just hanging out there. I love that Parker shares my love of nature. While at the playground Parker found some dandelions and he wanted to pick them for me (yes he still thinks they are flowers) so I suggested that we bring them home for ShelLdon. I had read in my research of Greek tortoises that they enjoy the dandelions so I figured we would try it out.

Guess what, ShelLdon loved the dandelions! I now have a use for the ones that I am sure will pop up in our yard soon enough!!!

 

Sunday evening Ashley and I had some super awesome plans!! We had tickets to see Jillian Michaels, live, in real life, in person.....get it, JILLIAN FREAKING MICHAELS!!! For those who don't know, I have a big girl crush on her, and she is one of my biggest idols.  People it was freaking awesome!!!! When we got to Milwaukee we parked, Ashley was awesome enough to drive, and then walked a block to the venue. We waited a bit, then found out we were waiting at the wrong venue, and had to walk a few blocks more to get to the right place. I must admit that I am ok with the extra walk after the three hours of sitting and oogling Jillian. It was late when we got out, but it was so worth it. She is so real and said so many things that I have been thinking about since then. She is so straight forward and I love that. I don't need someone that sugar coats things, I need someone to be real with me, and she is totally real with people. I am so glad that Ashley said we should go, it was  a life changing thing for me.

People, that is really Jillian Michaels!!!

And her little girl, so adorable!

 Can't really tell it here because my battery was dying and the flash wouldn't work, but the other person in this picture is actually Dani, the most recent winner of the biggest loser!

 

It was such a fantastic weekend, I am looking so forward to many more awesome weekends this summer!!! Parker loves anything outdoors, and Ashley plans on kicking my butt into shape.....have I mentioned how much I absolutely love having Ashley back living so close again?

 

Until next time,

enjoy your life, live it to it's fullest

 

 

Giving Up

This weekend was a real eye opener for me. I know I seem to have a lot of those lately, but maybe this point in my life is about change and learning. Anyway, yesterday was my 5k for March, you remember my goal of running in one 5k every month for a year? (As it turns out I am doing a few that aren't just runs but obstacle courses, and one that is 10-12 miles long. But still fit my goal of one official run every month.) Anywhoo.... The St. Patty's day run....

Here is Ashley and I before our run. Aren't we awesome? I got us some St. Patty's bling to have some fun with our run this time. We also had on a whole spectrum of colors so we looked great! While I was doing the 5k Ashley was doing her first and logest run to date, the 17k!!! Yay go Ashley!!! She rocks incase you didn't already know that!

Going into this run I kind of still had some leftovers from last month's run. You know, being the second to last runner to finish, and getting an insane migrane at mile one....I was kind of in a funk about this run. I wanted to do so much better than last month and be proud of myself again. This run was a lot bigger than our last. There were a lot of people and I started to feel better. With all these people there had to be a few slower than me right? I know I shouldn't look at it that way, I know that even though it is a race that I am not really racing and it shouldn't matter what place I come in. It's about me and gettng healthy. But let's face it, no one really ever wants to come in last place (or second to last).

It gets close to starting time and we file outside to line up. It was cold, a few degrees above 0 and the sun was not out yet since it was 7:30am!! By the way, do they just assume that all runners are morning people? Why are these things so early in the morning? I turned on my music and that was it. At this point everything else is gone. I am surrounded by people but it means nothing. It's just me and my music. But it was still cold....hate that part. I never hear the starting signal. By that point I am always lost in my music. I just start moving when the people in front of me move. We cross the line and start to spread out. This is where I always want to just start sprinting and go, but I know that would be dumb since I can't sustain it for long. I am really working on pacing myself outdoors, I seem to have a hard time with this. So I am running and I am doing pretty well, all the fast people have cleared out and I have space to move without getting elbowed. I do pretty well for awhile then my knee starts to hurt. This has been a big fear of mine since I have started running. I have a knee problem and I have been waiting for it to start bothering me since I have started working out. But it didn't hurt that badly, just a little pain. I can deal with that. Not too worried since I know there was snow coming in today. (Yes at 26 I have a weather knee...I feel like I am 80) My shins felt great, my feet felt great, but my butt did hurt. I didn't realize that running was such a workout on your butt....total tmi there but oh well. Compared to my post on puking that's nothing. I didn't even have my usual side pain. Everytime I run outside Iget a horrible side pain. But not yesterday. It seemed like pretty quickly I was coming up the the 1 mile marker and I was still running. This has never happened before, I always have to walk a bit before then because of the side pain and not being able to breathe. But, one mile outdoors and still going.....

Then it all crashed. I got passed....passed by two people speed walking. I was like what the f*ck!!! I am running, I know I am not fast or good, but these people are speed walking and just passed me!!! That was the start of the end. About a minute later my gps apparently stopped working because the lady in my ear told me the time was 15 minutes and I had gone a distance of 0.0 miles at a pace of 0.0 miles per hour. I was getting mad and I started thinking about the last race when I was second to last. And I got even more upset. Since I was already going down the path, I started thinking about the fact that several of Ashley's family members were coming out to see her cross the finish line. I mean, she as running 10.3 miles, people should see this, but just knowing that once again there was going to be no one there to watch me...it was just the icing on the cake. I got really upset and couldn't breathe and and then I just decided that my little knee pain was too much and I quit. I just stopped. I said f*ck it I don't care. I GOT PASSED BY WALKERS!!!! As I stood there just being mad and upset I realized I was still going to have to get back to the finish line anyway, so I started walking. I forced myself to calm down because honestly I couldn't breathe and I didn't want to end up going back the finish line via medic escort. Once I was calmed down I started having an internal argument with myself. I was going back and forth about quitting. I rationalized it by saying I have a knee problem I can quit. But then I had a flash of The Biggest Loser episode where they are hanging off the building and Gina just kept repeating "Pain is temporary, quitting is forever". Yes, I know how cheesy, the fat girl running has flashbacks of The Biggest Loser.

My cheesy flashback seemed to do the trick though. I decied that I was not going to quit. I was not going to give up and just walk the whole damn thing. What kind of example will I set for my son if I give up on everything and don't give it my all? So I lost myself in my music, stopped thinking, and  started running again...of course not fast because I am slow. I run, I don't run fast, I don't run well, but I run. I did finish the 5k. My momentary weakness and giving up cost me though. It was my slowest time yet by a minute. But I have learned a lesson.

Running is mental. It is very physical, but that is the easy part. The mental part is my obstacle. I keep telling myself that I am fat that I'm not a good runner that I'm slow. I keep saying it's a joke that I'm out here and I look ridiculous. But, that is something I am working on. I am working on the mental block in front of me. I will not give up I will keep going and someday I will run an entire 5k outdoors without stopping to walk once. I have always had confidence issues, but I will not give up!!!

After I finished I waited by myself awhile, then Ashley's family came and I waited with them and I got to see my bestie finish her longest run to date!!! It was pretty cool watching her come down the finish aisle and just knowing the hard work she has put into this. I know she was nervous too, but she met her goals and killed her time goal by 8 minutes. I am so freaking proud that my bestie is so awesome! So this is me, putting it out there, I don't care if I am good or not, I will not give up!!!!

 This is after our run. I've had an hour to rest, Ashley literally just finished running 10.3 miles and she still looks fabulous!!!

So by 9am yesterday I had a total breakdown, recovered, and finished a 5k....What did you do?

Until next time,

Oshkosh 5k here we come!!! (Well, half marathon for Ashley, cuz she is that awesome!!!)

Eye Opener

Hey there, another fantastic Monday is here! Actually I don't really care for Mondays much but they are unavoidable so may as well be happy. It has actually been a productive day for me. Parker had his 6 year check up today so I didn't go to class because it's just not possible to make it from Sheboygan to Appleton in under an hour.

Anyway, I had a huge eyeopener today. Anyone that reads this knows that I have been working towards a healthy lifestyle for me and am on a weightloss journey. I have felt bad when Parker feels like he needs to work out or thinks he needs to run like I do. I want to teach my son a healthy lifestyle, but not shove it down his throat. Well, let me tell you folks, sadly that is exactly what I must do it seems. His pediatrician told me today that me son is obese. I have been aware that he has a bit of a chubby tummy, but I have never thought he was obese. She said  a lot of this has to do with the fact that he is short for his age, but still. There's that word....obese....my 6year old is obese. Now, Spring is coming so I am not worried about his physical activity level one bit. There is never an argument trying to get him to go outside and be active. But, it's his eating I need to focus on. He loves fruits and veggies, so getting him to eat them is not hard, but I need to cut out the junk. I have been doing this for myself, but when I look at my son it's like I forget that his body works the same way as mine. But this is it, no more! His pediatrician said that if he doesn't start dropping some weight in 6 months that she wants to do blood work to check his cholesterol. Again, he is 6!!!! Like I said, he has a bit of a tummy, but I never thought it was really an issue since he does eat fruits and veggies.....

So my journey is no longer about me and my wants and needs. This is now about my son. I have always had the goal of teaching him healthy habits, but now it has to be serious!

On another note, I am going to be kickig it into beast mode here shortly. Thanks to a coworker and my bestie both asking me in the same week, it appears as though I am going to be doing the Tough Mudder this year! I am scared beyond bejeesus about it but I have 6 months to train for it. I haven't much focused on strength training since I really prefer cardio, but I need to change that. I am going to need my strenght to do this. So for the next 6 months I will be nervous out of my mind. But, part of this journey is doing things that make me uncomfortable. Like Jillian says, if you don't get uncomfortable, nothing will change." So I am going to get uncomfortable and I am going to work hard and I am going to do this!!! I will be terrified and paranoid the entire time, but I will do it! I will do the best I can and even if I don't do fantastic I will know that I worked hard and did the best I could. So wish me luck people here I go!

My next 5k is this coming Sunday and I am really hoping for some good weather. I am also hoping that I can knock off some more time and improve a bit more. Secretly I am also hoping that I don't come in second last this time... but I guess I will see about that one.  Did I forget to tell you how awesome it was at my last 5k that my bestie was there at the finish line waiting for me? I have complained a few times about noone seeing me, and it really was pretty awesome having a groupie!!! This weekend I get to be Ashley's groupie again as she is doing the 17k for the same event that I am doing the 5k. I am really excited to be there for her longest timed running event thus far!!!

That's pretty much all I have for now except that midterms are in two days and I am freaking out as always!!! But it will be one step closer to becoming a college grad!

Until next time!!!