Two days after Christmas and I am happy to say that I weigh less than I did before our first Christmas gathering! Not much less, but less. December has been tough for me, I have been losing the same few pounds all month long. My treadmill has been trying to kill me so there have been days when I can't run because we had a blizzard and couldn't get outside, or when Parker was home and I can't run outside. So, December has been frustrating and surprising at the same time. Surprising is the fact that I am becoming on of "them". By them I mean one of those people that enjoys working out. I find that I now get grumpy if I don't run for a few days in a row. Sometimes when I can't run I willingly turn to a workout dvd. I never would have done this a few months ago. The changes in myself are good changes.
Two days after Christmas the Christmas depression has passed and I am happy that it's over. Well, we have a small thing for the kids yet but it's ok, noone there I don't feel like dealing with since it's at my house. Although, I have a lot to do to get ready, but oh well. Christmas for me is full of mixed feelings. I always get all excited and end up completely let down. I loved seeing the look on Parker's face when he got to see the room we remodeled for him. When it comes to my family, Parker Brian and I, everything is great. It's all the other family functions that get to me. I just get exhausted. It's always disappointing because I have always wanted the perfect family functions that would come right from a movie. I know that it's unrealistic and that no famiy has this, but really people if you knew how dysfunctional my family is you would understand why I just want things to be different. There are members of my family that haven't spoken in as long as I have been alive. I know the situation behind this, and until a few years ago I wished that they could get along, but then there was a turn of events and I agree with the party that keeps the anger. I fell victim to the same family member and now our whole family is just documentary on how things should not be.
I shouldn't say my whole family, my grandmother has always been there for me and I think it's so special that my son gets to spend a good amount of time with his great grandmother. I also have an aunt that is really supportive of me. I am also very blessed to have an older sister that has been my sister and my rock for my whole life. She is such a great person and I wish I could be more like her. She is the nice one, I am the one that speaks her mind. There is really just one person in the mix that causes a problem. Out of respect for the family members that I know read my blog sometimes, I won't call her out or tell the world what she has done. If I come back and read this in 10 years I will still remember why we don't speak. My family, me my brother and sister, have enough decency that we can all be in the same room with her without spouting nasty words, but things will never be like a family should.
Most of my life I have had the hope of a fairytale life someday. I've always wanted to be married for 50 years like my grandparents were and grow old together and have 3 or 4 kids and lots of grandchildren someday. Then I had my son and I realized I only want 1 child. (Guess it's a good thing that Parker is absolutely perfect!) Then I realized I chose the wrong person to be with and I got a divorce. Now I'm 26 and Brian is amazing and being together almost 4 years and we are engaged but not yet married, I may have to settle for growing old and being with him for 50 years. We may not make 50 years of marriage, but that's another thing I have learned from my sister, you don't have to be married to have a great family. My fairytale has changed a little, but I love my life. Brian and I bought a cabin together in October. The former owners had the cabin for 32 years, and I hope we are the same. It's a place that is ours we bought it together my son will grow up there. I own my house, but it's just mine and honestly after my divorce I can't bring myself to make my house our house. I have to protect me and my son.
It seems I have gotten off topic. Back to Christmas. I got nothing. Nothing! I know as an adult it's not about me anymore, I dont' expect any gifts from my family, but from Brian? Yeah, I kind of expected something. Is that selfish? I got him something pretty nice and after opening it he said he feels like an ass now. I'm not mad, I was a bit depressed about it for a day, but I'm over it. And yesterday I went shopping with Ashley and I bought a brand new pair of running shoes. The pair I have is still good,but I found out they are very wrong for me and the way I run and these new ones should really help with my shin splints and foot pain that I have been having. I won't think about how much I spent on them I won't feel bad abou it, the awesome body that I will have someday from running and working out will be worth the money I spent. But, I haven't told Brian how much I spent, he isn't big on spending money on clothing and shoes and things, he says just go cheap it will be ok. The new shoes I got are pretty cool, and technically don't come out until January, but I got them now. Ok, so that's not a big deal, if the guy hadn't told me that they weren't out yet I never would have known. But it's still pretty cool to say I got them before they came out.
That's pretty much it for now I got my little rant out, I'm ready to start the new year and continue working on the improved awesome me!
Until next time!
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